July, 2010 Archives



by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Most people looked at my behavior with quiet condescension.

But while it might have seemed unimportant to others, Higgins was more than just a dog. He was a member of my family. He was my best friend.

The animal shelters couldn’t help. The police scoffed. People I previously counted as friends suddenly had “things to do.”

While wondering the streets, putting up posters, I met Barbara. A complete stranger, she listened to my pathetic tale and agreed to help me search. A year later, we were married.

Even today, I would trade twenty years of marriage to have Higgins back.


Dead Of Night

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

“Never open the attic door.”

It was the number one family rule, one hammered into Simon from the time he could walk.

The caution seemed excessive. If the heavy padlock were not enough to keep Simon out of the attic, the whispered voices he heard in the dead of night on his way to the bathroom certainly were.

When his sister was killed, brotherly love succeeded where simple curiosity failed. Not two weeks after the funeral, he heard her calling to him from the attic.

Simon quickly learned why “Never open the attic door” was the number one family rule.


You Get What You Deserve, Eventually

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The misspelling had seemed innocuous at first. Reversing an i and an e hardly seemed a travesty. Sure, she received a 97 instead of a perfect 100, but she was only in fourth grade. Her chances of getting into Harvard would hardly be affected.

Deterministic chaos renders long term prediction of complex events impossible, despite the lack of random elements. Only with hindsight can omniscience be achieved.

Therefore, it was impossible for her to know at the time, for anyone to know, that a simple misspelling would eventually lead to the extinction of the human race.

In hindsight, she deserved an F.


God’s Gonna Cut You Down, Version 2

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Michael– the commander of Heaven’s armies, the prince of holy light–was the most powerful of God’s angels. He was also charged with maintaining God’s lawn.

The lawn, fashioned by Satan in a controversial subcontracting arrangement, quickly became known as the infernal grasses. Michael hated that grass. It grew in all manner of wicked ways. It was nothing more than a hateful weed that choked all happiness and serenity out of Heaven. It smothered angels and tripped up the righteous souls of the newly dead.

Michael eventually gave up. “From now on, it will be God’s job to cut you down.”


Scarecrow People

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Joey always hated the scarecrow people, especially when everyone else welcomed them. They’ll keep the birds away, people said, and tend to the crops. Scarecrows are made to work in the fields. It’s their nature.

But Joey asked the tough questions. Where did they come from? How do they talk without a mouth? When people started dying, it was Joey who led the mob that burnt all the scarecrow people like so much dry straw.

When the truth came out, and Bill Bates turned out to be a serial killer, Joey refused to feel remorse. They were still better off.


Little Motel

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

There is a stretch of highway where the tallest foliage is a three foot cactus. Shade is a commodity nearly as precious as water.

Blake sat on the porch of the Sierra Motel, staring at the horizon. His vision plumed and prismed in the heat, causing him to hallucinate. Or maybe he was already in Hell.

Blake lamented having to meet death with the lingering caress of rough linen on his skin and greasy cheeseburgers on his breath, but like his mom used to say, you get what you deserve.

At least he’d gotten one last night of decent sleep.


God’s Gonna Cut You Down

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The lushness of heaven extends as far as the eye can see. The sweeping idyll possesses an organic quality only the most punctilious artisan could ever manufacture.

God dotes on his lawn with a paternal devotion. Most people consider the third dimension to be God’s great masterpiece, but they have never been lucky enough to grace Heaven with their presence. God’s lawn is softer than the softest hammock, yet firmer than the ripest peach. The waiting list to serve as one of God’s lawn gnomes includes Albert Einstein and Napoleon.

But even in Heaven, the grass does not cut itself.


Rebel Rebel

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The militia strike proved a huge success, the third mission accomplished this year. But no one had foreseen falling victim to their own ambush on the return to camp.

Only a few people had died, but General Benitez hated to be caught off guard. As rebels against the fascist regime, it was their job to do the surprising.

A message had been found at the site of the ambush. It was signed by Francesco Juan Ortega, one of the General’s own soldiers.

She read the manifesto to her men: “I, Francesco Juan Ortega, declare myself a rebel against the rebellion.”


It’s Only Divine Right

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

God stared at the tribunal with hate in his eyes. An old testament type of hate, the likes of which had not been seen in many years.

“You realize who I am, right?”

“Yes sir, but rules are rules. We must follow the procedures.” God scrutinized the angel Zadkeil and lamented ever abdicating total control of heaven.

Another angel, God did not bother to recall her name, began a roll call of his offenses, beginning with the usual complaints, like unanswered prayers and genocide.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I plead the fifth, as is my right.”


Bizarre Love Triangle

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Jack liked to think of himself as a private man, even though everyone knew he secretly had a crush on Fiona. The only problem being Fiona was engaged to David. The other problem being David and Jack were brothers.

Jack had never mentioned his feelings for Fiona to anyone, besides his therapist. He made a point of dating regularly, and bragging about all his ex-girlfriends. But this charade fooled no one, except for perhaps Stanley, who suspected Jack was a closeted homosexual.

In the end, Jack and Fiona and David had a mature conversation, and resolved the whole situation amicably.