When the pandemic hit, we’d never seen anything like it. More than its destructive power, its peculiar behavior was what struck us as so frightening. We were at a loss to explain why it mostly affected adult males–a few women, never children–and seemed to be spread through barbershops and police stations at a statistically significant rate. No one mourned when hipster neighborhoods were disproportionately afflicted, but it posed more questions that we struggled to answer.

It took days before we figured out the virus was only attacking mustaches. We should have realized when Tom Selleck was the first to die.

From a young age, Megan enjoyed the feel of new money against her skin. She would save her pennies, ride her bike to the corner bank, and trade them in for brand new dollars. Her mom would frequently find her naked in her bedroom, rolling around on her newly-acquired currency.

But when the treasury secretary succumbed to the latest bird virus, the president could find no better choice to assume the vacant cabinet position.

Rufino rode into view on his white stallion. The streets emptied like the receding tide.

When Rufino rode away into the setting sun, every single inhabitant was dead and his skin was considerably darker.

Ralph hated thunderstorms. Tonight’s had him cowering in his father’s study. Each crack of thunder shook the shelves, rattling his father’s war memorials and the family bibelots, and left him cringing abjectly in the corner.

But tonight, he knew exactly why the storm had come. His bloody hands and his father’s limp body told the story in full.

Captain Fletcher of her Majesty’s Royal Navy gallantly stood before the tribunal. If he was aware that he faced court-martial, whipping, and possibly even death, he showed no sign of it in his stoic demeanor.

Years later, it was learned that the true reason for his constant failures was that he just really enjoyed using the word scuppered.

So it happened that one day Goat and Giraffe were walking down a path together when they came to a mountain. A sign said that at the summit there was a magical treasure. Both Goat and Giraffe very much wanted to find this treasure.

Unfortunately, once there, Goat discovered that the treasure was at the top of a tree. He cried bitterly at the irony.

Since the passing of the criminal intent bill, it is now up to the judicial system to not only weigh the guilt or innocence of any defendant brought up on charges, but also his or her intent. The reasoning behind the new regulation being that what really constitutes a crime is the purpose of the perpetrator, not the outcome. A person who intends to kill someone but fails is more culpable than someone who accidentally kills someone due to carelessness.

Meanwhile, inside the private chambers of law offices and courtrooms around the country, groups of extremely high-paid lawyers are laughing.

The town of Kircastle had a problem with kittens, in the same way Egypt was plagued by locusts to the point where they covered the ground and entered every house.

But eventually, the cuteness of the kittens won out. They decided to live with all the adorable kittens the best they could, even if it meant their ultimate destruction.

Gordon flipped through the damning evidence of a conspiracy at the highest levels and deliberated his next move.

Gordon eventually returned the files. After reflecting upon his extremely large salary, he decided his son would want him to keep his damn mouth shut.

I’m in a hurry so this story needs to be fast, because in the twenty-three years I’ve worked as a city bus driver, I’ve never been late, not counting of course the day my wife went into labor, but this morning as I was leaving the station a little girl was standing in front of the bus–I figured she was probably ten years old, and that would have been how old…well you can’t expect me to talk about that–forcing me to slam on the brakes and I was certain I’d run her over but when I hurried round to the front she was unharmed, though she was crying pretty hard and said that she was lost and needed my help so I followed her across the street to the city park, down a path I can’t remember ever having seen before into a place that was dark with ancient trees and cold and I was starting to get worried but she said this was the way home and she couldn’t get there by herself, so I took her by the hand and we walked together and even though she said she’d never been here before she was the one leading me through the darkness until we finally came to a warm, bright clearing where she stopped and said goodbye and I didn’t want to leave but she said that I had to go back and drive the bus and finally she told me her name was Hannah and that’s when I understood and today was the first day I’ve cried in ten years and now that I think about it I don’t really mind if for once I’m late to work.

Here’s another one sentence story. Enjoy!