November, 2012 Archives


Anthropology 101

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

You hear the droning, a high-pitched whistle that keeps interrupting your sleep. It’s your anthropology professor, bombinating about some god awful theory of ethnography that can’t possibly be as interesting as the dream you’re having.

You hate anthropology and its awkward mixture of science and philosophy. What does Dr. Dunham have to tell you about modern-day reality.

And then you understand that life was all an illusion, that the reality may be that you are spending your last living moments in the Arctic on a scientific expedition, and as you die of exposure, the 100-mile-per-hour winds whistle in your ear.


The Heterodoxy

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

In the tiny nation of Genesia, every three years a heterodixist is elected. This person is charged with rebelling against all that the Genesian culture stands for by opposing every public decision in the most obdurate manner possible. In this way, the citizens are comforted knowing that at least one person must always be calling their government to task.

The heterodoxist is considered one of the nation’s leading dignitaries. No one runs for the office willingly, but once elected, she is afforded great honor. The one drawback is that once the three-year term is over, the heterodoxist is publicly executed.


The Anthropologist At Work

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

We’d been on the expedition for months when we encountered our first Frost Giant. He was massive, as large as twelve men put together and three stories tall. He set upon our horses first, breaking their backs and swallowing them whole while the men fled in panic. His hair was thick with rime and his clothes–let’s call them rags–hung off him like cheap Christmas ornaments.

Once the creature was done with the horses, he began on the men. His laughter filled the valley with thunder, but all I could think about was how he needed a proper bath.


The Grasshopper And The Eagle

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Every morning, the grasshopper hopped from one blade of grass to the next eating as much as he could. Winter was approaching. In order to survive, he would stuff himself so much that he’d have plenty of nourishment to last until spring. He didn’t want to end up like his cousin, who paid the price for his laziness.

Unfortunately, the grasshopper ate until the grass was literally hanging out of his mouth. A sharp-eyed eagle spotted the excess of grass and swooped down and ate him.

The moral of the story is never bite off more than you can chew.


Jordan And Mandy

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Jordan was a drunk who made sure everyone had fun at his own expense. He was a clown.

Mandy, on the other hand, was a goody-goody. She never drank alcohol and did her best to avoid late-night parties. In other words, she wasn’t any fun.

Mandy and Jordan couldn’t have been more different. The only reason they knew each other’s names was because Mandy was a tutor for the English department and Jordan was trying desperately not to flunk out.

But thanks to Judge Smalls, they’ve been ordered to marry.

Watch Jordan and Mandy every Friday night at 8:30 on NBC.


The Road Of Temples

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Basel stood in awe at the Road of Temples. There were spires and steeples and domes and banners of every color stretched across the horizon. Every religion and denomination was represented here, competing for the attention of passersby. A person couldn’t take a step in any direction without being accosted by a virtual army of ministers and holy men wishing to preach the one, true faith.

When Basel stepped onto the boulevard, there was a near stampede in his direction. He was the first visitor any of the clergymen could remember having seen. Most people avoided the Road of Temples.


The Final Accounting

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Last night, the sky broke asunder, as if someone had taken a knife and cleaved the horizon in two. The ruptured atmosphere peeled back to reveal a gateway into another realm.

I was driving to work when it happened. The immediate assumption was that the end times were at hand and everyone started clamoring to get home or escape the city as quickly as possible. Of course, if it was the apocalypse, I’m not sure why people were running. You can’t run from your final judgement.

I kept driving to work. I figured the world needed accountants more than ever.


Lost At Sea

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Raul’s father was reported lost at sea soon after his son was born. When he turned thirteen, Raul set out to sea himself, determined to bring his father home.

After searching for many years, he found his father on a tropical island in the South Pacific. Despite his son’s pleading, the old man refused to leave.

Raul finally returned home empty-handed and told his mother the bad news. Only then did his mother admit that his father was not Captain Joseph Blighy, the famous Sea Adventurer, but Old Joe, the homeless crack addict who roamed the neighborhood begging for handouts.


The Morning Edition

by thegooddoctor in Uncategorized

Morgan Durante always dreaded reading the morning paper. The headlines were of the normally sensationalist variety, with one important caveat: this edition of the news only covered Morgan and his life.

Typical headlines read, “Durante wastes another day of worthless life at meaningless job,” and “Father does awful job parenting his gifted child.” The people quoted were usually his wife or an “Unnamed source with intimate knowledge of the Durante family.”

Morgan would have liked to stop subscribing, but it was written by his ten-year-old daughter and his wife insisted they encourage her talent. Besides, the reporting was always accurate.


Genie: The Musical

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

So Naomi found this old lamp in the attic. When she was cleaning it off, a genie appeared and granted her one wish. Before anyone could stop her, she wishes for her life to become just like in a musical.

That’s all well and good for her. She’s married to a handsome tenor (though I reckon he’s probably gay) and every dramatic moment in her life gets played out in song form.

I, on the other hand, never get to say (or sing) anything. I’m just the guy in the back trying to keep time during all the dance numbers.