August, 2010 Archives


The Highest Caliber

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

“Get in there.”

Macy stared down the vent incredulously. “I don’t think I’ll fit.”

“Shut up, noob. You’re not getting paid to debate the laws of physics.” Clarkson shoved her with an equal measure of annoyance and disdain. “Now get down there and fix that switchgear.”

Macy needed the money, but she remained skeptical. Maybe Clarkson was playing a joke on her. “So I’m just supposed to dive in?”

“Don’t be daft. That opening’s less than 6 inches across. But it’s largest entrance we know of. You’ll have to squeeze yourself in gently. That’s what this lubricant’s for.”

Macy quietly wept.


The Great Beyond

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Havlicek stared out the porthole.

“I think it’s getting closer.”

Captain Lim did not even glance in his direction.

“Unlikely,” she replied. “It just appears that way. We are being dragged closer to it, rather than it following us. Black holes don’t move.”

Havlicek found this to be scant comfort.

“What do you think will happen to us?”

“We’ll die,” sighed Lim.

“Yeah, I know, everyone’s going to die eventually. But what do you think happens in the black hole?”

Lim shook her head. She could not help feeling that with better officers, this whole situation could have been avoided.


A PETA Lawyer Interrogates A Hostile Witness

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

I don’t mean to seem dismissive of your charges that my master has submitted us to cruel and inhumane punishment, but I think you’ll find yourself very much mistaken.

My master has always behaved most generously. Once, when I was thirsty, he allowed me to hydrate by catching snowflakes on my tongue.

And after a hard day’s journey, he would often permit us to entertain ourselves by watching the stars.

Why, just last month, he lashed at us for more than 1000 miles as we dragged him through the snow and ice.

So you see, he truly is a magnanimous master.



by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

As an evolutionary biologist, Richter knew the experiment represented a perigee. It was the closest they would ever get to observing natural selection in action. And it was going to kick ass.

“So what you’re telling me is you’ve genetically engineered seven species of dinosaurs, all from different epochs, plus a saber-toothed tiger, a giant crocodile, and something you simply call the Manshark? And you are going to let them battle it out arena style to see which species is fittest to survive?”


“When they make this story into a movie, I’m sure to be played by Jeff Goldblum.”



by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The grocer pointed at the boy they called Happy Joe, who crouched against the wall drooling on himself.

“Not only did the cretin steal fourteen dollars, but he exposed himself to Barksdale’s daughter.”

“Why’s that my business?”

“First off, you’re his Scout Master. Not to mention, that boy’s your son. Plus, you’re the constable and responsible for keeping the peace.”

“I see where you’re coming at this from, Mel. But the way I see it, every man’s responsible for his own actions. I leave it to churchmen to decide the right and wrong of things. Who am I to judge?”


General Rogers And His Army Of Mindless Zombies

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

They were a captive audience. Any more captive, and they would have been there against their will.

His charisma clutched at them with a force equal to blunt head trauma. It muddied their minds and stirred up their emotions to a fury. They would follow him into battle. They would commit genocide for him. They would denounce their parents to the secret police, and smile as they recalled the betrayal.

They were his to command, and command them he did.

“Let’s make the most of this beautiful day. Come with me as we travel to the land of Make Believe.”


The Life Of A Princess

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Caroline contemplated her options.

She could, with the blessing of the church and the backing of the most consequential families, fall in line with her father’s wishes, marry the homosexual, 14 year old son of King Wilhelm, and be condemned to a decadent court life replete with luxuries opulent and excessive beyond the wildest dreams of the ordinary vassal–knowing true love only in the margins while abandoning her free will as a necessary sacrifice to uphold the sanctity of the kingdom, the honor of her family, and the dignity of her gender.

Or, suicide.

She discerned no other possibilities.


No Remorse

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Peter scanned the document, making note of the many black marks against the latest supplicant.

“Deceit. Petty Theft. Cursing. Coveting your neighbor’s wife. Murder. Excessive Pride. You managed quite a tally.”

The man laughed conspiratorially. “Yes, I was quite the sinner in my day.”

Peter took off his glasses and stared down at the man. “And it seems you show little remorse.”

“Well, I figure remorse is for the Europeans, or people from developing countries.”

“Yes, it’s true, God is an American. But when it comes to your final judgement, your nationality is only a small percentage of the evaluation.”