December, 2009 Archives


Mr. Flanagan’s Lawn Gnomes

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Mr. Flanagan’s yard was famous for its lawn gnomes. Every child on the block knew the tiny mischief-makers loved to drag unwary passersby into the yard and subjugate them to all manners of horror.

Bobby O’Shea supposedly disappeared while picking crabapples straight from the branch. Seamus Kennedy refused to say how he got his broken foot, but Mr. O’Leary had forced him to deliver groceries to Flanagan’s front door the day before. The gnomes bullied away lunch money and tricked children out of their shoes.

In hindsight, using Flanagan’s hedge as our homerun fence was almost certainly a bad idea.


A Matter Of Life And Death

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

I was moments away from death. The oxygen in my blood stream was starting to expire.

In reaction, my diaphragm flattened, almost instinctively. The simultaneous contraction of my external intercostal muscles forced my lungs to expand. My ribs elevated, extending the length of my thorax.

All this action, seemingly involuntary, but triggered by long forgotten impulses, had decreased my internal intrapulmonary pressure. My body had established a new pressure gradient from the outer atmosphere to my alveoli, causing air to be sucked inwards.

I had once again successfully executed the carefully calibrated intake of oxygen and nitrogen into my lungs.


Riding The Rails

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Whenever I see a steam engine locomotive, I think of hoboes. Hopping on boxcars, riding the rails, free to travel the entire country, taking orders from no one.

As a child, I dreamed of life as a hobo. On Halloween, I would dress up in a tattered jacket, cut the fingers from my wool gloves, and go begging for candy. We once rode the Amtrak to Chicago, and I tried to board the freight car.

I have since learned that hobo life is not so romantic after all. Hoboes are just homeless alcoholics like the one who murdered my father.


Triassic Park

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

“I’ve got a great idea for a movie. It’s about a scientist, who discovers a way to clone dinosaurs from their DNA. He gathers experts from all over the world, and together they build the world’s first dinosaur amusement park on a remote island.

“Everything is wonderful, but the scientist finds he can’t control nature. The dinosaurs break out of their enclosures, and begin rampaging. The most dangerous are the small dinosaurs, because they are faster and it’s easier for them to prey on humans.”

“You mean like Jurassic Park?”

“I guess, kind of. But mine doesn’t star Jeff Goldblum.”


The Legal Department

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

With a heavy thud, Kirby threw a thick file onto the desk, joining the mounds of paper already stacked higher than the tip of his hat.

He heard a sigh from the other side. “More?” a voice asked.

“This is the report on Tommy Evans you asked for. I think we can safely say he belongs in the bad pile,” Kirby responded with a squeak.

“I miss the old days, when I could just keep the list myself.”

“Well, we can’t afford to be sued again. It would be the end of Christmas.”

Santa sighed again. Lawyers had ruined everything.


Nine Days

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Later, he explained the solitude was good for him.

He was content and productive, his mind open, ideas flowing. “I am focused and connected to my surroundings”, he thought. He last left his home 9 days ago.

A bead of sweat falls to the table from his ice water. On the wall, the clock approaches 9:00pm, eighteen seconds away. He knows this without looking, he senses it.

He grappled with what to do next, but everything made sense. The police scanners were quiet, news was normal. He was safe. Tonight, nine days later, he could kill again. The cycle continues.

From guest contributor, Kevin Reitz


The Dictionary Of Forgotten Words

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

He found it long ago, in his grandfather’s attic. The cover said Dictionary, but it looked more like an old journal: yellowed, desiccated, stained and crumpled. It contained a list of words, one to each page, words he had never seen before.

Every time he discovered an unfamiliar word, he wrote it down on a clean page. The next time he opened it, the definition had magically appeared, in his own handwriting even.

Once the word was scribed into the book, however, it escaped from the language, never to be uttered, written, thought of again. His dictionary that consumed words.


The Castle

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The castle has stood at the top of the hill for one thousand generations. Legend says that it has never fallen to enemy attack. Certainly, it never will.

The walls, seven men tall at its lowest point, thicker than two elephants nose to tail, seem to grow out of the Earth itself. The towers loom above the ramparts, from which you can survey the entire valley. The moat stretches three horse lengths across. A stone facade forever impregnable.

The villagers to the south look up and whisper a prayer every morning. Please protect us from the ghosts of empires past.


47 Ninjas

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

His house was surrounded. Takezo would have no hope for escape. He might have been able to elude thirty, maybe even forty of them. But not 47.

Every avenue of escape was blocked. They would not attack. Takezo could defeat them a pair at a time inside the narrow confines. Instead, they would wait outside. If anyone emerged, they would be assassinated. And if they remained inside, they would slowly starve to death.

His entire family would be eradicated in retaliation for his refusal. His name would be forgotten.

Luckily, Takezo was watching from the overlooking hill. He laughed silently.


St. George

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

They always want the same story. I’ve more grandchildren than I can count, so I’ve told it who knows how many times. Spent most my life in married bliss, managing the estate bought with that black wyrm’s treasure horde.

It’s been a song worthy life, any way you measure. I met the king. I have more money than I could ever hope to spend. More land than I can travel across in a day. I’ve got four healthy sons with families of their own.

But I can’t help feeling that life has never been that exciting since slaying the dragon.