September, 2011 Archives


The Hell Cow

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

She was no ordinary cow. You could tell immediately by the indecent way she chewed her cud. She almost licked her lips with anticipation. She understood it was wrong, but she chewed anyway.

No heifer had ever embraced all seven deadly sins with such fervor. She had long ago discarded her pastoral virtues, no longer content to play her role of milk-giver. She delighted in corrupting others from her herd. There was no possibility of redemption, and woe to anyone who crossed her path.

And there she was, the infernal bovine, munching the grass in my front lawn. Damn her.



by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Ben strained with all his might. It had been an errant throw, despite Rodney’s insistence it was on purpose. Now here they were, poised on the edge of a cliff, literally hanging on with their fingertips, trying to reach Ben’s coin. A stiff breeze would blow it over the abyss.

It wasn’t that there was anything particularly special about the coin–no magical powers, it wasn’t even that lucky–but he must retrieve it. The way it was poised there like an unanswered question made it impossible for Ben to give up.

Finally he had it.

“Tails. I go first.”


Holding It In

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Hannah’s entire life has been spent looking for the perfect bathroom. It goes without saying it needs to be clean. Spotless. No untoward odors or any hint of fecal matter. It would be best if the toilet had never been used. A virgin toilet made just for her. Someone might suggest a secluded spot in the woods but it’s probable that sometime in the history of the planet a creature had at least urinated on the spot. Diapers, as someone mentioned, are completely out of the question.

Someday, Hannah dreamed, she would finally be able to stop holding it in.


The Bottom Of The Well

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Carl had not wanted the bottom of the well. The high-traffic areas–the bridges, the forests–had all been selected when it was finally his turn to choose. His parents complained he should have taken his classes more seriously, but regrets were of no use. His only hope was hard work would result in a promotion.

Unfortunately, in 150 years, Carl had never once encountered another living soul at the bottom of his well. He was understandably both angry and hungry.

Calvin had no way of knowing any of this when he fell down the well behind the old farmhouse.


The Junk Yard Kids

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Scottie and Claire loved the junk yard. To other folks it may have seemed a dire place to grow up, but for the two siblings, it was paradise.

Sure they had to worry about disease and oxidation and rats–man were there rats–but they had never known a moment of boredom their entire lives. Despite the other parents looking down at them, to the neighborhood children they were practically royalty.

Modesty had been instilled in them at an early age. Their parents made it very clear they were never to mention they were from the richest family in town.


The Sewing Box

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Mrs. Livingston’s sewing box was home to all manner of assortments. Strings and thimbles and yarns filled the various trays until they overflowed from one level and started cluttering the next.

But Mrs. Livingston’s sewing box also lodged certain invasive residents who had nothing to do with sewing. A fairy family lived among the buttons and spools, hiding not only from Mrs. Livingston, but also from their enemies of the realm.

Fairy hunters know that sewing boxes are the first place to look for renegades. Unfortunately for Mrs. Livingston, she died during the scuffle, killed by her own knitting needles.


The Straithorn Home For The Emotionally Challenged

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Mr. Jamison spittles at the slightest outrage until his face turns red. Mrs. Hathaway displays a particular shade of pea green–reminiscent of the Sunday soup–every time her medication’s late. Mr. Dunn has lived so long in the grips of his melancholia that even his clothes radiate the same empty shade of gray.

However, don’t mention these harlequin insights in the presence of Dr. Straithorn. She would never admit to her color-blindness, but it’s really the only explanation for all the torture. Even the idea of color is abhorrent to her. The patients all suffer for her jealousy.


This Vast Never-Ending Emptiness

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The open expanse frightened more than exhilarated him. He often dreamed of what it would be like for a snail, firmly enclosed inside the safety of its own home. Or for a prairie dog, living in the tight spaces of its underground burrow, surrounded on all sides by dirt.

He had heard of the concept of claustrophobia but could never imagine such a feeling. Maybe the confinement would oppress him in a similar manner to this vast never-ending emptiness. Doubtful. He almost welcomed being smashed underneath a boot.

Such is the life of a cockroach living in an airplane hangar.



by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Every morning, Tom Hopperwell awoke to find his garden in disarray. It looked as if a miniature battle had been fought among his tulips and vegetables.

Tom was a careful man, and it disturbed him greatly to see his garden did not share the sentiment. His wife urged him to call the exterminator, but Tom had a grander scheme.

Tom first set fire to the house, making sure the blaze completely incinerated the garden. Then he and his wife relocated to Florida. Some might call him extreme, but Tom had a hunch Florida would be too hot for the ants.


No Explanation Necessary For Looking Good

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Detective Stephens surveyed the scene, trying to make sense of it. He could be certain of only one thing. The man was dead.

Stephens could find no explanation for the manner of death. The victim was fully dressed in a suit and tie, but had died from several bullet wounds to his heart. His clothes did not have any holes or blood on them. No one reported hearing any gunshots. A note read that despite his death, he refused to leave the neighborhood.

The mystery was never explained, but the man’s ghost never did leave. At least it was well-dressed.