Posts Tagged ‘God’
Nov
No Such Thing As Coincidence
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Johnson arrived home to find a Buick-sized hole that ran from the roof of his bedroom all the way through the basement.
On the other side of the world, Chen discovered her experimental rocket was missing.
These two events were not coincidental.
Mr. Johnson’s house had been hit by a meteor. Mr. Chen’s rocket had been seized by government authorities. In fact, in addition to the distance, the two events took place several months apart.
Yet as we all know, thanks to Reverend Bledsoe’s theological sermon this past Sunday, nothing happens by chance, but rather everything is by God’s design.
Jan
Some Things Will Always Remain A Mystery
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
When Bob achieved omniscience in heaven, pretty much all the crazy shit that had never made sense now became clear. But as he sat on a cloud with Baby Jesus, there was still one mystery that confused him.
“You forgive everyone, right?”
“That’s right,” Baby Jesus said.
“Even those religious fundamentalists who preach intolerance?”
“Yes, even them.”
“I guess they’re lucky you’re a forgiving God.”
Baby Jesus giggled. “To tell you the truth, I don’t get why they worshiped me in the first place. Why not go in for one of the more vengeful religions that better suited their temperament?”
Oct
Irresistible
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Brian loved being an angel. Heaven was a playground without any teachers and Earth was Tombstone before Wyatt Earp came to town. In other words, anything goes.
There was just one rule to being an angel. Every angel learned, upon getting his wings, the one hard fast prohibition that could get you in hot water. Unfortunately, Brian had broken it three times this very first morning.
Now Brian was going to hell.
“You’d think God would have learned his lesson with the apple. If you don’t want people punching baby angels in the face, don’t make a rule prohibiting it.”
Oct
Bohack
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Charlie Bohack! Charlie Bohack! Five-and-dime derelict turned depot Demiurge, soot-stained, reeking; his thermos filled with God knows what. He’s rattling off again: In the 60s he was the beau of long-legged gals with Cleopatra eyes; he had seduced Charo (or was it Cher?)at Studio 54, with Travolta-like moves and an avalanche-white smile; and was weaned on Goddess’ teats, on the Good Stuff, but Old Crow and Granddad could hold him for a spell.
The 8:15 is on time (Thank God!). Bodies and briefcases careen around the Bohack-pylon. Chug-Chug-Chug! Charlie Bohack grows small, but of infinite potential, dancing on the tracks.
From Guest Contributor, James Zahardis
Dec
Extrapolation
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Jesus converted water into wine. It’s true. It’s in the Bible. I don’t know if the wine was any good. I mean, did he properly age the wine as part of the miracle, or did it taste way too new? Does it really even matter? I hear even experts can’t tell the difference in blind taste tests.
In any case, it’s my god-given right to drink and get behind the wheel of my American-made Chevy truck, so I’d advise you to step back into your vehicle, officer, or I might be forced to explain the second amendment to you next.
Nov
Lane Number Forty-Two
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
The Lucky 100 Bowling Plaza of Wahoo, Nebraska, always kept lane number forty-two cordoned off with a fancy red rope. On summer nights, the waiting room filled with families waiting to bowl, but lane number forty-two would always remain closed.
One particularly busy evening, Mickey Landsman was especially irked that he had to wait while there was a perfectly good lane not being used. But when he complained to the manager, he was informed that the lane was reserved for God.
As it turns out, when he has the free time, God visits the Lucky 100 to get in a few frames.
Sep
The Diapason
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Before the stroke, Malcolm was obsessed with football.
Afterwards, Malcolm found a part of his brain that had never been used before was now actively engaged. In grade school, he had failed to learn even a rudimentary song on the piano. Now music was everywhere.
When it came to natural phenomenon, the wind, breathing, the setting of the sun, he heard their rhythms as a harmonious symphony. Machines and furniture emitted a cacophony of unholy clamor that caused waves of nausea.
Malcolm held the keys to the universe inside his injured brain. His new obsession was the destruction of God.
Aug
Sensitive Weather
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
It was the eve of the Little League finals. Bobby looked out his window and cursed the gathering storm clouds. He desperately wanted to pitch in tomorrow’s championship.
The clouds, as all the wise men know, are temperamental. They especially don’t take to being ordered about, by God or anyone else. Certainly not by thirteen-year-old boys.
When Bobby woke up the next morning, the clouds were no longer in the sky. They were stuffed into his bedroom. They chased him about for the rest of the week until he finally apologized.
“Next time, don’t be so mean,” the clouds insisted.
Jun
Whispers
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Caspar would hear the whispers as soon as he closed his eyes. At first they seemed related to his dreams, but gradually they became detached, having nothing to do with his REM cycles.
The whispers were not kind. They commanded him to murder his family. Caspar wanted to ignore them, but as their stridency increased, he eventually relented.
When the police found him covered in blood and surrounded by corpses, Caspar claimed that it was God who was whispering to him. The jury agreed, and he was eventually set free.
You see, God was whispering to the jurors as well.
Jan
The Holy Grail
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Percival’s search for the Grail is the embodiment of commitment and perseverance. His quest has endured for centuries, taking him to all corners of the globe and even off planet. His heroic deeds, though not well known, will forever be equated with righteousness and purity of motive.
The irony, of course, has not been lost on anyone, least of all God. Jesus never actually drank from a cup at the last supper. The story was meant as a metaphor. Percival’s search, while admirable, will always be in vain.
When God told him the truth, Percival decried him as an idolater.