Posts Tagged ‘Election’
May
Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, And The Founding Of The Republican Party
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
It was their greatest adventure, convincing voters the best way to preserve the Union was electing two barely literate twelve-year olds from Missouri to the White House.
Their first order of business was war with Canada. “We never liked them Frenchies anyway,” Sawyer later said.
Next was enacting a mandatory deeducation law. According to Finn, “The principates of this here place we call America had best allow young people to be free on all days, not just Saturday.”
When Aunt Polly found them out, they got the worst beatings of their lives. A second term was out of the question.
Apr
The Last Great American
by thegooddoctor in 100 Words
Ronald Reagan was the last American president born in a log cabin. His parents taught him self-reliance at an early age. He read the Fountainhead while he was still in the womb and was so inspired by Ayn Rand’s message of individualism that he was the attending physician at his own birth.
He left home at age three to enter show business. He sang Yankee Doodle Dandy to Soviet peasants and they tipped enough to fund his education at the Harvard of the South.
He kept Walter Mondale’s head mounted over his fireplace as a souvenir of the ’84 election.