The Hendersons called her the cash cow. She ate grass and shit out money. Real American green. Tens, twenties, hundreds all came out in equal proportions, with unique serial numbers and the proper security features of United States currency. The cow became something of an attraction and people looked upon her as a miracle cow, of which many neighbors were forced to admit they were covetous.

No one understood how it worked but money being the root of all evil, the Hendersons didn’t pause to consider the mechanics. They immediately slaughtered the cow and ground her up for chicken feed.

She had only one weakness, but as with others of tremendous power–Achilles, Samson–it would be that weakness that would be her undoing.

In the end, it was a bucket of water that occasioned her demise. Once she had tasted water, it was impossible to continue life as a witch.

Chet’s father was mercilessly slain by the evil usurper. Chet himself was spared, spirited away to a remote hideaway where he was raised with only one aspiration: revenge.

Nor did Chet know anything about the evil usurper. There was no map to lead Chet to his kingdom. No instructions on how to defeat the evil scourge. There was simply the name: Congenital Heart Disease.

As with most children’s songs, this one possessed a sinister undertone that was shockingly obvious in hindsight.

Perhaps we should have taken heed when the theme song was translated into English.

We are a lost people, driven from our homes. We have nothing except our myths. The myths remind us who we are and teach us about good and evil.

Only by becoming evil, can we destroy evil.