After the shuttle crashed, the landing crew was forced to bivouac on the planet’s surface. Their first task was to search the hostile environment of this lifeless planet for any sort of organic material. Otherwise, they would be living off of emergency rations until they were rescued.

Everyone understood that the emergency rations were made of people, their fellow crew members to be exact.

She was forced to curtsy from a young age. The Queen required the girl to bow with the proper technique, and when she failed, the punishments were severe. The monks were called upon to drill her at all hours, contorting her body with their chaste hands until the proper form was hammered into her forever.

For her part, she deserved all the harsh treatment as she was particularly recalcitrant. She denied the Queen’s authority and would have gladly ripped out the queen’s eyes or stabbed her with the crown. She would never forgive the Queen for murdering her father.

The majority of his days were spent in darkness, so he was startled by the flickering of light in the distance. The illumination grew stronger as it approached. He thought of running. He could only imagine that the sudden shadows cast on the wall were those of danger approaching.

“Man, you scared me. I’ve been working in the cave gift shop for ten months, and you’re the first customer I’ve seen.”

For today’s modern explorer, there are two questions that remain unanswered. The first is what lies on the other side of a black hole. The other is what is at the bottom of a pit of quicksand.

Unfortunately for Francis LeMond, it turns out there is a simple answer to the question of what lies at the bottom of a pit of quicksand: death by suffocation.

Alice couldn’t speak. She could only sing. Even as a baby, her cries came out as melodies. Her parents were afraid to send her to school because not only the other kids, but also several teachers, made fun of her and treated her as an outcast.

When the invasion began and they learned that the only way to appease the aliens was through song, that’s when everyone realized they were trapped inside an M. Night Shymalan movie.

They were both failures in life.

So yeah, he’d gotten his brother hooked on heroin. But couldn’t they see it was actually a cry for help?

Caspar would hear the whispers as soon as he closed his eyes. At first they seemed related to his dreams, but gradually they became detached, having nothing to do with his REM cycles.

You see, God was whispering to the jurors as well.

It was a Sisyphean task. Tom’s only job was to clean the staircase leading down the side of the building. Never mind that he lived in Seattle. Or that they were located directly across from the Rodeo and Cattle Auction. Never mind that he never managed to reach one end of the 17-step flight of stairs before someone muddied them up again by walking past.

What really bothered Tom was that not once in his 30 years of employment had he ever been named Employee of the Month. It was enough to make a man give up.

When Michelle walked into the room, Wayne immediately confronted her. Everyone could agree he was the biggest asshole at the party, so nobody was surprised when he said, “You look like a monkey used finger paint on your cadaver.”

Michelle nearly broke into tears and no one would have blamed her. Even for Wayne, the comment was horrible. But Michelle composed herself and spoke loudly enough for everyone at the party to hear. She couldn’t find the words to explain the series of events that had led up to it, but she confirmed yes, that was exactly what had happened.