Once the police left with the final body, the reporters scattered their separate ways, much like vultures after a dinner party. I headed to my favorite diner, hoping some scalding coffee and room temperature pie would scrub away my lingering sense of insignificance.

Staring back at him, I had no way of knowing I was about to be embraced by eternal irrelevance.

I was seized by the worst criminals and forced into bondage.

But none of their tortures pained me as much as knowing that it had once been my job to dream up these punishments.

Ed was too frightened to open the boot. The banging from inside could indicate the end of his job, but there were also plenty of scenarios that would lead to deportation back to England, jail, or worse.

As the jackal darted out and ran into the ditch, Ed cursed. He’d been ordered to stay silent. This was his last warning. No amount of money would be worth what came next.

This story is meant to demonstrate suspense, the topic of today’s post over at The Chaos Factory.

I absolutely hate the Church. They’re all up in my kitchen, telling me what to do, what I can’t do, what I’m allowed to think. They’ve hung a heavy dose of guilt around my neck and it gets so heavy sometimes I can barely move.

I think about waging war, taking on the Church and all the elders and giving them a taste of fear like they deserve. But it’s just a dream. With the shame sheets they’ve tied around us, every sin shows up red, and they know who needs punishing. It’s best to stay as pure as possible.

It was once a daily ritual I looked forward to.

Now it was the most agitated moment of my routine, wondering if today was the day she had decided to poison me.

I’m very happy to announce that my mash-up novel, Ahab’s Adventures In Wonderland is now available, exclusively at Amazon. As part of the debut, for a limited time, it will be available for $3.99.

Here’s the description:

Captain Ahab, legendary farmer, loses his leg after an encounter with Moby Dick, the infamous white rabbit who has been terrorizing farms all across Massachusetts. Hellbent on revenge, he vows to hunt the rabbit wherever it may lead. With his crew in tow, he plunges down the rabbit hole and finds himself in the amazing world of Wonderland, where caucus races, mad tea parties, and croquet with the queen await.

A mashup of Moby Dick and Alice in Wonderland, Ahab’s Adventures In Wonderland is an absurdist look at two legendary classics. You’ll never view Wonderland the same again. With cover design and illustrations by Katie Morton.

I’m really excited about the novel, and I hope you’ll take the time to check it out. Fans of Alice in Wonderland and Moby Dick will be especially pleased.

And you can also help spread the word by liking the Facebook page.

Thanks for the support.

The human resources division of Bigelow Industries decided that, considering the low morale of the company, it would initiate a musical theater program in the workplace. What better way to enliven an often dreary office than by forcing everyone to dress in costume and sing show tunes?

The depths of their humiliation truly had no end.

Gary swatted at the prick on his leg. Of all the days to get a bee sting, it had to be his wedding day. He wasn’t allergic, but it hurt like hell. He walked with an obvious limp for the rest of the day.

“The bad news is you’re dying. The good news is that your bee sting has opened a gateway into a parallel universe.”

Dax Morgan policed the town of Ashland with a harsh tongue and pair of Colt revolvers. He tolerated no dissent, even from his own sons. The town tolerated him in return, as long as peace was maintained.

As Gil rode away, a rivulet of blood soaked into the thirsty clay behind him.

I was presented with a choice: I could obey or I could go to hell.

So you’ll commiserate when I say that taking orders from Baby Jesus made the prospect of heaven less than inviting.