Why LOTR Sucks: Now It’s Over

I jumped the gun, but now it’s over. Just had to make sure we saw Sam get married. No one cried, which was a surprise. But maybe all the hobbits are too pissed to cry, because none of their taller friends bothered to come to the wedding. Sure, everyone was their friend when they needed them to save the world, but now that Sauron’s dead, it’s like, “We’d love to come to the wedding, but we’re too busy what with the holidays and all.” Typical.

Minutes Watched: 3.3:50.30

Number of Montages: 17

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 126

Start at the beginning

Check out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.