It’s A Matter Of Having The Right Temperament

I think I would have made a good slave owner.

I would have been firm but fair. I would only punish you when you deserved to be punished. For instance, if you were slacking in the fields or angered me with your insolence. I would have looked after your children as if they were related to me by blood. If you tried to escape, I wouldn’t whip you so hard as to permanently injure you. That would have been illogical. You’re my property after all and I invested at least a couple hundred dollars in your purchase.

Now, you might think my suggestion that I’d make a good slave owner is racist, but I wouldn’t be particular about what race my slaves were. Whether they were Africans or Asians or Eastern Europeans, or even poor white people that were trapped in debtor’s prison, it wouldn’t matter. I’d let anybody work my plantation if they’re doing it for one meal a day.

Yes, if someone asked me what time period I’d like to visit in a time machine, my first question would be if the time machine was being driven by slaves. You can’t expect me to drive myself.

Please Note: If you are reading this, it is a legally binding contract. I now own you. Please report to my plantation immediately for your first whipping.

Check out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.