Why LOTR Sucks: Cheesy Exposition

I can’t believe this movie won a best picture oscar.

Maybe we can explain the previous exchange by the fact that orcs are stupid, but the orc leader just ordered one of his minions to smash the gates open. The minion complains that it’s too strong, but the orc leader doesn’t want to hear about failure. The minion then complains that it’s too strong, and nothing can breach it. The orc leader reflects for a moment, and then decides to use the 10-story tall battering ram that the minion apparently knows nothing about (even though every other orc takes to chanting it’s name). The question is begged why weren’t they using this giant battering ram to begin with, but perhaps it just hadn’t occurred to anyone. They probably were saving the battering ram for some other siege later in the week.

Minutes Watched: 3.2:07.42

Number of Montages: 17

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 58

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