The Most Awesome Tigers

It’s February 14th, the greatest of holidays*. That’s right. The first day of Spring Festival.

If you were born in the years 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, or 1998, then you are a tiger. Tigers are fierce and powerful leaders, quick to anger, capricious in nature, and very lazy. Tigers skyrocket to fame early, and then fall tragically. They are doomed to succumb to their own hubris.

Tigers are also very territorial. They will fight you for the last cookie, and urinate on your possessions if you leave any at their house.

Here is a list of the most awesome tigers, ever:

#8 Tony

Actually pretty lame, as far as tigers go. I knew this even as a child. But there aren’t as many famous tigers as you would think, so he had to be included.

#7 Cringer

Deplorable tiger character from the He-man cartoon which depicts tigers as shifty, lazy, whiners. Demeaning stereo-type is especially repellent coming from a children’s show. Still, better than Tony the Tiger.

#6 Kirk Gibson

The most iconic Detroit Tiger, with the possible exception of Thomas Magnum. Possessed the power of Mickey Mantle and the speed of Babe Ruth. Would rank higher but his greatest career highlight came as a Dodger.

#5 Tygra

This video summarizes everything better than I ever could.

#4 Montecore

The tiger that mauled Roy. Unfortunately, set back tiger-homosexual relations by decades.

#3 Phet

I was traveling in Luang Prubang, and came upon an enclosure where they were keeping this young female tiger. Apparently, they had rescued her as a cub from poachers who had murdered her mother. They would never be able to release her back into the wild, and were raising money to build a larger enclosure for her. After donating 100 rmb to the cause, they brought us back into her enclosure and I was allowed to pet her while they were feeding her.

#2 Tigger

The wonderful thing about Tiggers…..Is Tiggers are wonderful things…..Their tops are made out of rubber…..The bottoms are made out of springs…..They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy…..Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun…..But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is…..I’m the only one

#1 Hobbes

The most beloved of all tigers. Enjoys pouncing, tuna fish sandwiches, sleeping, stalking, comic books, math, drawing, hunting, and cute babes.

*Besides St. Patrick’s Day, Halloween, Pi Day, All Saint’s Day, Cinqo De Mayo, President’s Day, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Mid-Autumn Festival and Festivus. And Valentine’s Day.

Check out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.