I Also Like Robots

It’s time to dip into the old mail bag and answer more of our reader questions.

Email #1

Dear Doc,

What is your favorite thing to do when you aren’t writing blogs and just want to relax?

Fun loving,
Becky Swearingen
Milwaukee, WI

Dear BS,

If you’ve read my Facebook profile, you know I’m really into Civil War reenactments. Except they aren’t really that relaxing, because a lot of the dipshits who perform on the side of the South get really into alternative histories and try to win all the battles that the South actually lost. This can be quite annoying, especially when all I want to do is imagine what it would have been like if dinosaurs had fought in the Civil War.

I also like robots and watching The Big Bang Theory.

The Good Doctor

Email #2

Dear Doc,

I’ve been dating someone for a little more than two months. After the second week, he was saying things like “We need a word between ‘like’ and ‘love’ because ‘I like you’ doesn’t seem sufficient.” After weeks of telling him to slow his roll, I agreed to make it official and stop dating and sleeping with other guys because he wanted to “lock it down.” It’s been a week, and he’s still on Scruff and Growlr. I’m a little put off because he was the one who pushed for exclusivity and the title of boyfriend. Should I be concerned? Can hookup apps be part of a healthy, monogamous relationship? Obviously a talk is needed.

Sick of Scruff

Dear SOS,

In the immortal words of Growing Pains star Kirk Cameron, homosexuality is “destructive and unnatural.”

That being said, you obviously need to have a talk with your boyfriend.

The Good Doctor

Email #3

Dear Doc,

My friend worries that she can get pregnant reading your blog. I told her that you are sterile so it’s impossible for her to get pregnant ever.

Anyway, my question is where did you get the cool horse photo?

Mildly curious,
Chris Boehner
Columbia, South Carolina

Dear CB,

Thanks for the question. It’s good that your friend is worried about getting pregnant. With the republicans set to win the presidency, abortions should be illegal by the end of January. That being said, horse semen is not considered vegan.

The Good Doctor

If you want your own question answered by the Good Doctor, send them via his twitter feed.