Why LOTR Sucks: A Modest Proposal

As I’m sitting here watching Frodo and Sam talking about going home, as if the movie is over at barely over an hour in, I am reminded of my idea for fixing the movies (besides going back in time and killing Peter Jackson’s grandfather). Instead of three movies, they should have been six. Then they would have been able to fit in all the important parts of the book, and we wouldn’t be stuck with so many fucking montages. We could have ended movie one right here, and we wouldn’t have had to cut out Tom Bombadil and all the other parts that would have been worthwhile to see. Seeing as how much money they made, I’m sure New Line would have loved to have doubled their income.

The fact they divided the Hobbit into two movies gives me hope.

Btw, we had a close up of a weepy Frodo being reunited with Bilbo. I wouldn’t say that I saw tears, but it was definitely in slow motion. I’m going to count that as close enough.

Minutes Watched: 1:29.48

Number of Montages: 4

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 2

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