Hollywood Remakes Don’t Need To Suck

We are totally remaking the wrong movies. People cry and complain about remakes and sequels and the lack of originality in Hollywood. But when you remake crap, you can expect glossy crap with better computer graphics. When you are remaking cheesy cartoons from the eighties or turning boardgames into feature length films, you’re going to end up with crap.

Here’s a list of the movies we should be remaking instead:

Wizard of Oz One of the greatest movies of all time. But we can all agree that it could do with some changes. Highlights of the remake will include: CGI flying monkeys, all played by Andy Serkis; Peter Dinklage as a munchkin; and a new script that’s more faithful to the original material. To be directed by Tim Burton.

Citizen Cane Possibly THE greatest movie of all time, but it’s interminable watching it now. The remake will obviously need a few set pieces, one involving a gunfight while sledding down the Alps on Rosebud, and another that’s a climactic kung fu faceoff between Charles Foster Kane and Governor Gettys. To be directed by Christopher Nolan.

Casablanca One of cinema’s greatest love stories. What better vehicle to bring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks back together. Of course we’re going to have to change the ending. To be directed by Nora Ephron.

Avatar If we’re talking remakes, why not start with the highest grossing movie of all time. In the intervening years since its release, there have been huge advances in the computer graphics industry. The best part is, we can get all the actors to reprise their original roles. To be directed by Brett Ratner.

Star Wars It’s easy to see where George Lucas went wrong. Rather than sticking with a formula that worked the first time, he tried to make new movies. Obviously Lucas should have simply remade the originals. He’s already had a lot of practice, with all the reissues, including the recent Bluray edition. To be directed by George Lucas.

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