Stephen Hawking Ruins His Chances At Sainthood

It’s been a tough summer for God.

First Stephen Hawking declared Science had reached the point where it was possible to explain the existence of the universe without resorting to religion. God and Science, never comfortable bedfellows, reacted with awkward silence, like uncomfortable in-laws from different colored states.

Now, some pioneering athletes have achieved what only Jesus Christ had ever done before. They walked on water. They are calling their new sport Liquid Mountaineering. This is how they describe themselves:

Liquid Mountaineering may be the biggest human breakthrough this century and it’s already uniting open minded athletes around the world. The mantra, “you have to believe” has become a new call to arms for those tired of simply swimming, bathing and drinking water. You have to believe.

What’s next? Will humans soon attain the immortality previously reserved only for tortoises? Will the International Criminal Court at the Hague levy charges against God for his genocide of the Caananites?

God needs to hire a good PR firm. Maybe the guys at Purple Strategies

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