Movies, Movies, And More Movies: The Rock Versus Sandra Bullock! Hint: The Rock Wins.

Look at that masculine hand shake!
Look at that masculine hand shake!

I like movies. When I was in high school, I worked at a video store and brought home 5 to 10 movies a week. As an adult, while still living in the American States, I would go to the dollar theater and see pretty much EVERY movie that came out. There were plenty of clunkers, but something about the experience of being immersed in a fictional (or based-on-a-true-story) world for 90+ minutes has always captivated me.

Even now, not much has changed (except that some of you might be confused by what I mean when I say a video store). On my recent visit home, even I began to think it was excessive. How many movies did I see? A ridiculous amount, until you consider that my trip included two transcontinental flights.

To commemorate this orgy of cinema, I’m going to quickly review each and every movie I watched during my trip and give a suggestion or two about how they could have been better. I’ll be ranking them according to my patented five tier system: an awful way to have wasted two hours, mildly entertaining and I’d recommend you watch it as long as you don’t pay for it, thoroughly enjoyable, especially considering either I’m on a 13 hour flight or I live in China and don’t get to see many movies in the theater, truly memorable, and I’m not just saying that now, but I’ll still be saying that 6 months from now, and Star Wars*

The Hangover III

The Hangover movies succeed in large part due to the charisma and chemistry of the cast. The original was a break out hit because the plot was also decent. Is Hangover 3 better than 2? It depends on how upset you’ll be at the lack of a Mike Tyson cameo and how much you like John Goodman.

How it could have been better: Focus more on the story, and less on random cameos such as the one by Heather Graham

Verdict: Mildly Entertaining

The Internship

It’s hard to imagine me getting tired of watching Vince Vaugn and Owen Wilson share screen time, and this movie is upbeat and populated by some feel-good supporting characters.

How it could have been better: Make an effort to be more than just charming, but also funny.

Verdict: Mildly Entertaining

The Heat

Is there such a thing as too much Sandra Bullock? I’m certainly not the one to judge (But yeah, I’d say this movie is proof that there is such a thing as too much Sandra Bullock).

How it could have been better: Cast a better comedic actor, say, I don’t know, Kristin Wiig, and then let her improvise as much as possible.

Verdict: Mildly Entertaining

White House Down

One of the best parts of a Roland Emmerich movie is the lowered expectations that have to accompany every Roland Emmerich movie. I never expect anything more than charismatic actors in impossible situations, situations that include blowing up lots of monuments.

How it could have been better: Dwayne Johnson

Verdict: Thoroughly Enjoyable

World War Z

Speaking of lowered expectations, this movie was cursed with rumors of rewrites and reshoots and I don’t think anyone was looking forward to it. It actually turned out decent thanks to a strong performance by Brad Pitt.

How it could have been better: The zombies really weren’t that frightening and so the big action scenes lacked tension. Did much better when it was focused on the characters.

Verdict: Mildly Entertaining

Prisoners

Now this was a movie that’s going to stick with me. Superbly acted. Gripping the entire way through. Haunting performances from Michelle Leo and Paul Dano

How it could have been better: My only quibble, and this comes after the fact, because as I said, I was thoroughly invested while I was watching, is that the motivations behind the villains weren’t very realistic. These were Hollywood villains, meant to shock and disturb. So when you really think about the whole story, it’s a bit ridiculous and over-the-top. But still, what a well-crafted movie.

Verdict: Truly Memorable

Gravity

Wait! More Sandra Bullock? In fact, for the majority of the movie, it’s only Sandra Bullock? How did this turn out so good? Because of the totally original script and amazing special effects. Was it a great movie? Probably not. But is it the only movie like it? Yes. Major points for originality.

How it could have been better: Sandra Bullock’s character was sappy and unoriginal. With all the trouble to make such an original movie, I would have liked to see a character that was more authentic and profound.

Verdict: Truly Memorable

The Lone Ranger

Talk about lowered expectations. This movie was completely eviscerated by the critics. Turns out it was highly entertaining, and took a lot of unexpected chances for a movie that could have been identical to every other blockbuster. In fact, not only would I definitely be interested in a sequel, but it really irks me that the creators are being crucified when they at least made an effort to be original.

How it could have been better: Just because it was original doesn’t make it a great movie. It’s definitely an odd film, and an entertaining one, but undeniably flawed. Most disconcerting was that although they tried to show how awful the genocide of the Native Americans was, by then blaming it on a few rotten apples seems to absolve every other American who was very much complicit in their extermination, if only by their inaction.

Verdict: Thoroughly Enjoyable

The Wolverine

Of all the movies on my trip, this was the one I had the highest expectations for, and so it was the one I was most disappointed in. I wanted The Wolverine to be a masterpiece, and instead it was just decent.

How it could have been better: Delved deeper into Japan, instead of just remaining on the surface. Do a better job of building to the climax. Give Logan more of a personality. By relying on these dreams of Jean Grey, we don’t really get any character development. It’s just her telling him what he feels. That time could have been better spent with him interacting with the other characters. The final climax, as is too often the case in superhero movies, was not very suspenseful. Just an excuse for a lot of action.

Verdict: Thoroughly Enjoyable (but disappointing at the same time)

This Is The End

This movie was laugh-out-loud funny.

How it could have been better: More of the celebrities at the beginning. The cameos were among the best parts.

Verdict: Thoroughly Enjoyable

Admission

Tina Fey? Paul Rudd? Sign me up! I missed this when it came out, but it was one of the options on my flight and I loved it. As funny as Tina Fey is, what makes her transcendent is her ability to create empathy in the audience. I’m very disappointed this didn’t do better at the Box Office, because I was enthralled.

How it could have been better: More Lily Tomlin. She was amazing.

Verdict: Truly Memorable

This Is 40

This may be my favorite Judd Apatow movie now, though I’m still extremely partial to Erik Bana in Funny People. Funny, touching, and thought-provoking all at the same time.

How it could have been better: I worry that maybe it went a little bit too far with the fights, because it perhaps stretched plausibility that the conflicts would be so extreme in what in the end was supposed to be a successful marriage. Even though the movie had a happy ending, I’m expecting a divorce within a few months.

Verdict: Truly Memorable

Pain And Gain

The Rock and Marky Mark=one million times better than giant robot cars (at least where Michael Bay is concerned). I loved the performances, I loved the art direction, I loved everything about it.

How it could have been better: Nothing could have made this movie any better.

Verdict: Thoroughly Enjoyable

Fast Six

For all the great action stars (The Rock, Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez) this movie didn’t have much going for it besides its charismatic stars. I enjoyed the big action scene with the tank, but Fast Five was a much better movie overall.

How it could have been better: Focus less on hitting all the major highlights of the series and instead concentrate on this story. Too much of a paint-by-numbers feel.

Verdict: Mildly Entertaining

*Suffice it to say, I did not see any movie in this category.

The Heat Sandra Bullock

Quitting The Grave Cover ThumbCheck out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.