The Chaos Factory’s Summer Movie Preview

As the release of the final Harry Potter movie approached, I was fully convinced it would be the greatest movie I had ever seen, as I vociferously pronounced to anyone who would listen. The Deathly Hallows Part One was fantastic, my favorite so far, and with its ending–Voldermort coming face to face with Dumbledore’s dead body*–I was totally primed for all the fantabulous action that would propel Part Two to the saga’s conclusion. Unfortunately, I was to be disappointed.

Part Two was a decent movie, but it wasn’t the work of transcendence I was hoping for. It probably missed its mark mostly because of its failure to nail some of the emotional high points–such as Fred’s death and Dumbledore’s final visit–that should have been chilling in their poignancy. Most of all, though, it was undone by the tremendous weight of my prodigious expectations. Allow me to repeat: I was convinced that Part Two would be the GREATEST MOVIE I HAD EVER SEEN**.

I have come to realize (the hard way) that our enjoyment of something is a direct measure of our expectations of it. When George Lucas announced the prequels, I spent the next several years hoping that I would live long enough to see all three movies. I couldn’t imagine my life being complete if I died before I finished the Star Wars saga. What is wrong with me?

As The Avengers opens all over the world, it’s time for me to reveal my expectations for Hollywood’s summer blockbusters, where I measure my level of excitement on a scale from 1 to Phantom Menace. Will I be as disappointed as I was last summer, or have I learned my lesson? Only time will tell.

The Avengers

Reasons for unbridled excitement: I love comic books and super heroes, and I’m particularly partial to Marvel. Robert Downey Jr. was born to play Iron Man. The reviews have already started coming in, and they’ve all been extremely positive. Joss Whedon made Dr. Horrible.

Reasons to be scared: Iron Man 2, Captain America, and Thor were all average. I never really got into the Avengers like I did the X-Men and Spiderman. Will be extremely difficult to balance all the characters and make a worthwhile movie out of it.

Expectation Level: I will not be happy unless this movie is at least as good as the animated Avengers movie.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Reasons for unbridled excitement: Because of my low expectations for the first one, I actually enjoyed it quite a lot. The sequel returns Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, and adds some new characters, such as Bruce Willis, who is sometimes awesome. Plus, I always, always love the Rock***.

Reasons to be scared: Bruce Willis is sometimes awful. Because I enjoyed the first one, I will expect more of the second one.

Expectation Level: I will not be happy unless this movie is at least as good as Saved By The Bell: The College Years

Looper

Reasons for unbridled excitement: I am purposely keeping myself in the dark about this movie, but I know that it’s some kind of dark, time travel actioner with the same character played by Joseph Gordon Levitt and Bruce Willis. Count me in! Joseph Gordon Levitt is currently one of the best bets around (The first G.I. Joe not withstanding). Bruce Willis is sometimes awesome. I love time travel movies when they are done well.

Reasons to be scared: Bruce Willis is sometimes awful. Time travel movies are not often done well.

Expectation Level: I will not be happy unless this movie is at least as good as Heat.

Prometheus

Reasons for unbridled excitement: I refuse to watch any trailers for this one, because I don’t want my enjoyment ruined. This prequel returns us to Ridley Scott’s Alien universe. This has great buzz associated with it, plus it features the original girl with the dragon tattoo, Noomi Rapace. It could be the best thing ever…

Reasons to be scared: …or a second coming of Attack Of The Clones. The track record for respected auteurs returning to their masterpieces after more than a decade is very poor.

Expectation Level: I will not be happy unless this movie is at least as good as The Matrix

The Dark Knight Rises

Reasons for unbridled excitement: Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker will probably go down as the best villain performance in a comic book movie ever (though Sir Ian Mckellen might have something to say about that). The Dark Knight is the third highest grossing film of all time. Christopher Nolan made my favorite movie of this millennium: The Prestige.

Reasons to be scared: But he also made Inception. The trailer looks bad. Anne Hathaway is Cat Woman. The first two movies, other than Heath Ledger and Michael Caine, are over rated. Nolan doesn’t do well with action. I’m starting to get sick just thinking about it.

Expectation Level: I will not be happy unless this movie is at least as good as X-Men 2.

*Spoiler Alert

**The Empire Strikes Back has been firmly entrenched in that spot since 1980.

***This includes my irrational love affair with The Tooth Fairy