Why LOTR Sucks: The Pros And Cons Of Having Peter Jackson Write The Screenplay To Your Life

Pro: Never forget what’s important, because he keeps reminding you with flashbacks and clunky dialogue.

Con: Never have a strong sense of self. Your moods will always be at the mercy of the narrative.

Pro: You will always know when something important is happening, because you will be moving in slow motion and crying.

Con: Everybody around you is a total dick, even your friends.

Pro: If you ever need a horse, one will be waiting for you.

Con: Your life will never seem to end.

Pro: The boring parts will be turned into montages.

Con: Lots of boring parts equals lots of montages.

Pro: People love you for no apparent reason.

Con: Liv Tyler.

Minutes Watched: 3.0:37.09

Number of Montages: 13

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 50

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