My Avocados Are Missing

Have you ever wondered why avocados are so expensive? Maybe you thought it was because they are imported all the way from Mexico. Except that thanks to NAFTA, all our cocaine and avocados should be dirt cheap now.

No, the reason avocados are like 3 bucks a pop (at least where I live) will surprise you: The babies are taking them. The same babies that are plotting with the democrats to destroy our way of life.

Babies love avocados. This is a true fact. And they are stealing them right from under our noses.

Let this be a warning to all you babies out there. If you try and steal another one of my avocados, I will kick you. My lawyer tells me this is perfectly legal.*

Please Note: This blog does not advocate buying drugs from Mexico. Buy American Drugs! Go USA!

*Although my lawyer has a notoriously spotty track record, I trust him on this one. I mean it’s just common sense, right?

Check out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.