Jesus Loves Abortions Because It Means One More Fetus In Heaven
I’m really confused about religion. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Never did really.
What’s the first thing they teach you? The Ten Commandments. What’s rule number four? Don’t work on a Sunday. And you look around, and everyone is fucking working on Sunday. I’m 5 years old, and I know that’s not right. I mean, Jesus Christ people. God told you, “Hey, just do these ten fucking things.” And it’s not like they’re that hard. Half of them are just don’t have any other gods.
It’s like, if you believe in God, life’s gotta be the easiest thing in the world. Do this, and you end up with eternal salvation. Forever. Not just a lifetime, or a few lifetimes, or the lifetime of the universe. For Fucking Ever.
And if you don’t do it, then you end up in Hell. And there’s like nothing worse than Hell. Whatever you’re imagining Hell to be like, it’s like ten billion times worse than that.
I mean, seriously, you should be doing everything you fucking can to do right by Him. This isn’t fucking Santa Claus. You end up with some coal in you’re stocking, there’s always next year. This is your one and only soul we’re talking about, and you only have one chance to get it right.
And if you’re dangling eternal salvation in front of my nose, you better believe I’m going to do everything I can to get there. I mean, I’d live my life straight for a bag of gummy worms at the end. If you’re offering me a forever of absolute and total bliss, than count me in, whatever it takes.
So if I were a Christian, this is how it would be:
I’d immediately give up all my money to the poor. I’d do everything I possibly could to convince everyone I know to do the same thing. I certainly wouldn’t vote Republican, or for anyone that would support any war, ever. I would pray for Tucker Carlson’s soul. I would praise God every time there was an abortion, because another fetus just went to Heaven.*
I mean, seriously, what am I missing?
Anyway, if you call yourself a Christian, and you aren’t dirt poor and pro-abortion, I don’t want to talk to you. You’re a fucking hypocrite.
Please Note, this blog was written by someone who has read the Bible cover to cover four times. I know what I’m talking about.
*I would feel sorry for the mother and doctor, because they had committed a sin, and I would pray for their soul, but I wouldn’t sweat it too much because I know God will forgive them.
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I prefer not to think of all the misery but of all the beauty that still remains. -Anne Frank
This is a fantastic post.
I’ve been saying this to people for a long time now too, “I’ve read about Jesus and what he asked of people and I’m not gutsy enough to be a Christian.”
Clearly you are not a Christian, but I would suggest reading the Bible for a 5th time. Don’t be so shallow to think that rich or poor is attributable to only money. You can be intellectually “dirt poor”, and one could easily argue that true wisdom only comes when you acknowledge you know nothing (Socrates). Personally, I am neither rich nor wise so I’m screwed all the way around if I don’t believe the Bible is 100% true and 100% accurate. The Bible does not mention Republicans or Democrats, but does ask that we pray for and respect the authorities, so I will do so. The Bible also asked that we don’t kill so I won’t support abortion or capital punishment. Finally, the Bible explicitly details when Jesus worked on the Sabbath to save lost souls and heal those in need which is really Christians only job. Read the Bible one more time and let me know where I have strayed from the truth. We are all praying for you.
are you saying the bible is 100% true and 100% accurate? what about the parts that directly contradict each other, as in the four gospels, which offers four different versions of jesus’s life?
Don’t think that living the right kind of life is easy. It isn’t. The Ten Commandments? Sure. Easy enough most of the time. But how about Christ’s call to “love thy enemy”? The next time someone cuts you off on the freeway, or goes over your head at work to gain their own promotion, or talks shit about you behind your back, or sleeps with your girlfriend, or steals your wallet, or any of the truly sheisty awful things human beings do to one another, try and forgive them. Treat them with compassion. Be merciful.
ANd when you help an old lady with her groceries, or give a kind smile or hello to a stranger, or serve in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving, or walk away from someone else’s taunts, or do anything that is charitable to the human condition, be humble. Then after that, come and tell me how easy it is to live the life that Christ asks us to live. You will find no rewards for your service here. You will be mocked, derided, shunned, scolded and spit on in this world. This world doesn’t care about virtue. It cares about what kind of car you drive, how big your girlfriends chest is, how much money you have, what kind of clothes you wear, what you do for a living. No, you won’t find any earthly rewards for living the life Christ is asking you to live. But you will spend all of eternity in the splendor no eyes have seen, no heart of man can imagine.
I will say a prayer for you, as I am deeply troubled by the opinons expressed here–particularly those concerning the greatest evil of our time, abortion. I’m sure you are a decent person. And I’m sure that you don’t think all of us who practice religion are shrill, finger-wagging, idiots. We aren’t.
Don’t get so caught up in religion, or “rules” you perceive to be beneath your mode of thought. Be prayerful, be mindful. Listen to the intentions of your heart. Listen for His voice. He is waiting…..hoping for you to have a relationship with him. And above all, he is with you. Always.
p.s- The gates of hell are locked from the inside. God doesn’t send anyone to Hell, we choose to go there. Hell is, for lack of a better description, the absence of God. I am of the opinion that people die and see God in his fullness, and when they examine their own life, cannot bear to face him, opting to run away. Or to put it another way, “when you die and go to heaven you say to God, ‘thy will be done’. And when you die and go to hell, God says the same to you”.