The Most Fantastic Sports

In honor of the Super Bowl, let’s take a look at the sports that actually deserve all the hype. In other words, people don’t tune in just to watch the commercials.

BTW, allow me to remind everyone that we are just 115 days until the Marmaduke movie premieres.

#11 Ping Pong

Why: A deceptively difficult sport. Until you have played with a person that actually knows what they are doing, you have no idea how much spin they put on the ball.

Top Athlete: Forrest Gump

#10 Big Phi Gam Ball

Why: You take a giant kick ball, two trash cans, and start tackling the tar out of each other.

Top Athlete: Brad Pendleton

#9 Tether Ball

Why: We’ve all played, yet none of us have actually mastered it.

Top Athlete: Napoleon Dynamite

#8 Hockey

Why: Hockey was made famous thanks to Sega NHL ’94, still the greatest sports video game ever. It is well known that playoff overtime hockey is the most exciting moment in sports*.

Top Athlete: The Great One

#7 Okie Noodling

Why: It’s fishing, with your hands!

Top Athlete: Skipper Bivins

#6 Cricket

Why: I would explain how to play, but you are obviously too stupid.

Top Athlete: Muttiah Muralitharan

#5 Ultimate

Why: Dogs! Frisbees! What’s not to love?

Top Athlete: Alex Nord

#4 Basketball

Why: Because it was invented in Indiana.

Top Athlete: Larry Bird

#3 Knife Fighting

Why: Because sports are at their best when death is just a flick of the wrist away.

Top Athlete: Michael Jackson

#2 Soccer

Why: Because it’s like football, except you can’t use your hands.

Top Athlete: Pele

#1 Quidditch

Why: May not be well known by muggles, but the wizarding world swears by it.

Top Athlete: Victor Krum

*Was. Hockey ceased to exist around the turn of the century and lives on only in the memory of Canadians.