The Most Outrageous Outlaws Of The Marsh

Who was the greatest band of outlaws? Most people in the West would immediately gravitate to Robin Hood and his Merry Men. But 150 years earlier, in Song Dynasty China, the Outlaws of the Marsh were pioneering the rob from the rich, give to the poor business model.

Legend told of 108 virtuous men who, due to the corruption of local officials, were branded unfairly as outlaws. They remained true to the Emperor, and did their best to fight for the unfortunate souls that were being oppressed by corruption.

It’s impossible to mention all 108 of the heroes, but here are the most outrageous of the bunch:

#7 The Ruan Brothers

Why: Not simply are they outlaws, but they are pirates, universally accepted as the best kind of outlaw.* Also effective as spies, infiltrating enemy forces and leading them into ambushes.

#6 Sun Er Niang

Why: She and her husband lure visitors into their tavern for drinks, knock them out using drugs, before killing them and robbing them of their valuables. They then make dumplings out of the human flesh of their victims and serve them to customers.**

#5 Shi Jin

Why: Known as Nine-Dragon Shi, he is the first outlaw to appear in the novel. He is an expert at fighting with his staff. When the provincial army comes to arrest him in his home, rather than allow himself to be captured he burns down his own village. He also has 9 dragon tattoos.

#4 Song Jiang

Why: Has one of the best ever nicknames, the Timely Rain. He was the leader of the outlaws, and universally acknowledged for his virtue. Would rank higher, but was worthless in a fight.

#3 Sagacious Lu

Why: He has an imposing appearance. He has a round face, big ears, a straight nose, a squarish mouth and a beard which overshadows his face. Oh, and he’s 8 feet tall. And has a wide waist. He becomes a Buddhist monk at Mt. Wutai, where he drinks and cavorts and ignores the edict prohibiting meat or wine. He frequently gets into drunken rages, and is eventually kicked out of the monastery for assaulting the Abbot. The weapon he carries is a 40 Kg dagger.

#2 Wu Song

Why: Rises to fame when he kills a fierce man-eating tiger with his bare hands. Was known for being very handsome, as this painting attests.

#1 Li Kui

Why: Li Kui was known as the “Black Whirlwind,” because of his berserk behavior in combat. He was famous for fighting with his twin black axes. After getting thoroughly drunk. And stripping naked.

*Except for Ninjas, Bandits, Thieves, Street Urchins, and Killer Whales

**These dumplings are not appropriate for vegans.

Check out Decater's new novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his earlier books: Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.