Who Wants To Go In On A Mansion With Me?

There are many reasons I’ve never bought a structure with a roof and walls designed specifically for human habitation, esp. one that is lived in by a family or small group of people, what laypeople refer to as a home. I prefer to stay mobile, always one step ahead of death. I owned a pair of love birds once, and they were way too much of a commitment, so I can’t imagine owning something as big as a house.* Plus, I keep most of my currency in rupiah, and it’s a huge pain to carry around.

Most importantly, I like to live large. I don’t want some traditional 3 bedroom, two story, red brick and white picket fence affair. I’m not Tom Sawyer. If I’m going to buy a house, it’s going to be fantabulous. Think the Xavier Institute. Think Hogwarts.

So until I have the financial means to buy the kind of dream home I’ve been dreaming of inside me dreams, I won’t be purchasing any houses.

Well, folks, it’s time to start buying houses. And I’m not talking about just any houses. I’m talking mansions. Check this out.

That’s right, we’re moving to Detroit. It’s going to be like Eastern Europe in the early nineties, or Haiti after the earthquake.**

I’ll be scraping together a few million rupiah, and I’m going to start buying up as much property as I can. Foreclosed mansions, abandoned hotels, empty factories, haunted insane asylums. It doesn’t matter. It’s going to be just like monopoly. No matter what space I land on, I’m buying.

Who’s with me?

Please Note, this blog was written under the assumption that Detroit is a thriving urban community rife with opportunity and social justice.

*Fortunately the birds are now dead.

**Except the houses are still standing.

Check out Decater's novel, available now at Amazon. Plus, don't forget his other books: They Both Love Vonnegut, Ahab's Adventures in Wonderland, and Picasso Painted Dinosaurs.