Posts Tagged: The Black Riders

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12
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: What Just Happened?

I am truly at a loss for words. Let’s give somebody credit, because this scene didn’t make it into the theatrical version, but the fact that it was filmed at all speaks volumes.

I have two MAJOR problems with what just happened. First of all, it’s sacrilege to have Gandalf be defeated so easily by anyone. But in Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings, he’s twice been beaten on screen. To what end?

Even worse, after the black rider break’s Gandalf’s staff, he’s about to kill him. But just as he raises his sword, he hears a horn. This makes him fly away. Really? He’s just defeated the enemy’s greatest chance of stopping Sauron, and this idiot decides he can’t spare the 20 seconds to finish him off for good?

The fact that Peter Jackson even thought to film such a scene says that he never should have been allowed within spitting distance of a Tolkien book. My hopes for the Hobbit working out are seriously diminished.

Minutes Watched: 3.2:32.30

Number of Montages: 17

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 67

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4
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Faramir To Frodo: Just Kidding

Sam gives a speech, with a montage in the background, and everyone cries (often in slow motion). Even Gollum. The speech is enough to make Faramir change his mind and let Frodo go. This is, of course, just after seeing Frodo try and give the ring to the black rider.

That has to be the saddest part about changing Faramir’s character. The exact moment when he would actually be justified in taking the ring from Frodo is the moment when he stops being a dick and lets them go on their merry way.

Minutes Watched: 2.3:24.45

Number of Montages: 13

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 50

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28
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Just When Things Were Looking Up

So far, I’ve been happy with the second movie. I’m thinking that Peter Jackson has it figured out now. There’s no Liv Tyler. We haven’t had that many montages or slow motion close-ups of people crying. Gollum has been a pleasant surprise.

But here comes a black rider, this time riding a dragon of some sort, and I’m reminded of how badly I disliked the first movie. I have to remind myself to keep an open mind.

Minutes Watched: 2.0:50.52

Number of Montages: 9

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 29

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26
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: A Note About Pacing

We’re now some two and half hours into the movie, so let’s take a moment to look at the overall structure.

So far, we’ve had two big action scenes, the chase scene with the Black Riders and the Mines of Moria. We’ll have one more big action scene at the end. So that’s three large-scale, action-packed episodes. That’s about right if your movie is an hour and forty-five minutes. This movie is over three hours long though.

Each of the action scenes so far can actually be subdivided. With the Black Riders, you actually have four parts. The initial encounter and the escape across the ferry. The near miss at Bree. The fight on top of the mountain. And the final escape across the river. Most of this action was poorly planned out, repetitive (black riders on black horses galloping here and galloping there), hackneyed, and lacking in tension. Over all, the first big action sequence was a big failure. Prior to that you had a long, slow introduction that included a completely unnecessary seven minute opening montage. Afterwards, you had the council of Elrond that repeated much of the information from the opening scene. You also had some nice montages of New Zealand scenery.

Then we finally get to Moria, which for the most part is awesome. It can also be sub-divided, this time into three parts. Their entrance, the fight against the cave troll, and their escape. All together, this part lasts about 30 minutes.

So far, we’ve had an introduction, a long drawn out encounter with the black riders that totally sucked and was boring, a boring council meeting, some boring travel, 30 minutes of kick ass action, and now we return to some boring conversation with some ugly elves.

This movie is horribly paced. I blame Peter Jackson.

BTW, we had two more close-ups of Boromir crying.

Minutes Watched: 2:37.27

Number of Montages: 5

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 21

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25
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Fun On Horses

Liv Tyler rides with Frodo and the Black Riders come upon her. I mean directly upon her. I mean they are suddenly close enough to reach out and grab Frodo. She rides really fast, and they ride really fast. Then they get to some trees, and they ride around the trees. Sometimes it looks like they are riding in circles. For a full minute, the riders are always just about to grab Frodo. Yet they can’t. And again their lack of projectile weapons comes back to haunt them. You’d think that they might pull out their swords and stab Liv Tyler’s horse. Remember they are close enough to touch her. But alas, they are too stupid.

Then Liv Tyler arrives at a river, and she stops. The riders, who just a moment earlier were close enough to touch her, are now a bit behind. They stop at either side of the river, exchange words, and then the riders start to cross. Liv Tyler uses some magic, and then a flood comes. The Riders, apparently no smarter than squirrels, ride downstream rather than try to make it back to the bank that is only a few yards away.

This is the worst scene of the movie.

Minutes Watched: 1:23.29

Number of Montages: 4

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25
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: I Take It All Back

You’re not going to believe what happened in the last scene. The Black Riders have just entered Bree, and they have found the inn where the hobbits are staying. We see the hobbits are asleep in their beds. The riders creep into the room, and attack the sleeping hobbits with their swords…except the hobbits aren’t there. They’ve actually moved into the room across the square. We were meant to believe that they were sleeping in the same room that the black riders entered, but it was just pillows. What fools we were to think that the hobbits would be killed.

Peter Jackson, you are a master.

Minutes Watched: 1:04.36

Number of Montages: 3

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25
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: I Feel Nauseous

Allow me to state the obvious. Peter Jackson had no idea how to successfully depict the Black Riders. After they throw the first rider off the trail with a well thrown bag of vegetables, the hobbits decide to head for the ferry. Then, out of nowhere, a rider stumbles upon them. Unfortunately, the Dark Lord has the worst evil servants imaginable. Worse than the henchmen in a Bond movie. Worse than Darth Helmet. Worse than the bad guys on an episode of the A-Team, who would literally shoot a circle around B. A. Baracus and the gang. One of the Dark Lord’s most evil servants is on horseback and has Frodo and the ring at his feet, and he’s unable to capture him. The hobbits run an undetermined distance, hop onto the ferry, and being 5 yards away, are now safely out of reach. Apparently these dark riders have no kind of magic that can extend beyond their immediate person.

Minutes Watched: 57.31

Number of Montages: 3

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25
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: A Brief Moment Of Glory For The Black Riders

I think the depiction of the black riders is one of the poorest aspects of all three films. But they do have one highlight. When the four hobbits are hiding beneath the tree, and the rider is above them on the road, it’s a beautiful shot. It’s a great moment of tension.

Unfortunately:

1) They got here by rolling down a hill and just happening to be there when he passed by. A very unlikely and unnecessary coincidence.

2) They escape by throwing a bag of vegetables to create a distraction and run away. Allow me to call bullshit.

Minutes Watched: 55.05

Number of Montages: 3

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25
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: How Not To Increase Tension

Peter Jackson aims to get us involved in the movie with a two second clip of a dark rider overlooking a New Zealand valley. Run, people of New Zealand, the dark riders are coming for your kiwis.

Minutes Watched: 46.49

Number of Montages: 3

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25
Jan 12

A Tricky Problem

Adapting a beloved novel is always going to be difficult. One with as much backstory and history as Tolkien puts in his works might seem nearly impossible to satisfactorily condense into three hours.

As an example, in the book, Bilbo leave Frodo the ring and leaves the Shire. Gandalf warns him to keep it safe. Then many years pass. The novel informs us that time as passed, and explains what has happened in the interim, but not much story happens. Then Gandalf comes back and determines that it is indeed the one true ring, and warns Frodo that he must take the ring to Rivendell. How does a filmmaker deal with this elapsed time, and make it work in a movie?

It seems to me there are two possible solutions. And then there’s the way Peter Jackson handles it.

Solution #1: Condense the two meetings into one. Bilbo leaves Frodo the ring, and Gandalf immediately warns him of danger. The ring needs to be taken away, but Gandalf doesn’t have the time to do it. With this one, you probably have Bilbo leave Sting and the elf mail at the same time, and we would never see him at Rivendell. It’s a shame to marginalize Bilbo even more, but it saves time, and people that haven’t read the books have no attachment to Bilbo anyway. Tough choices have to be made sometime, and this will save considerable time.

Solution #2: Create a buffer between when Bilbo gives up the ring, and Gandalf comes back to warn him. Make it clear a great deal of time has passed. Move the introductions of Merry and Pippin (and possibly Sam) to here, and shorten the introduction to the Shire. This stays truer to the book and would be about the same length. You’d have the change to build up some suspense for Gandalf’s return and the growing threat of Mordor.

Peter Jackson’s ‘Solution:’ Have Gandalf leave, look at a book. Immediately come back. You haven’t established any time has passed, Gandalf’s departure allows him to learn information we’ve already been informed of twice already, and the introduction of the Black Riders is handled clumsily and does a bad job of creating suspense. This could have easily been handled more effectively. The movie has begun to devolve.

Added bonus: we get our first montage of people walking through beautiful New Zealand scenery.

Minutes Watched: 44.14

Number of Montages: 3

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