Posts Tagged: Movie Review


9
Aug 11

Why 27 Dresses Is The Best Movie

I have never seen 27 dresses. I’m not even entirely clear on the plot, but based upon what I’ve heard, I am quite certain 27 Dresses is the best movie.

Movie Review

Please be warned that there will be some spoilers in this review.

27 Dresses
stars that woman from Knocked Up. I don’t know her name, but I think it’s German. She’s also in a TV show about doctors or lawyers or something professional like that.

In the movie, it’s a situation of “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.” The star, we’ll call her Madame X, has been a bridesmaid approximately 27 times. Hence the 27 dresses. (No hatemail please. I warned you there would be spoilers.) Madame X is understandably sad that all of her friends are getting married but not her. In fact, she’s contemplating suicide or a total makeover. Whatever it takes to find a man and achieve fulfillment.

We can assume that she has a male best friend who is either in love with her, or with whom she’s always been in love. Or they have been friends for a long time, but never realized they were perfect for each other. This happens all the time. A few years ago, I rode the bus to work every day, and every day there was a woman who sat near the back. I never talked to her, but later on I found out she was perfect for me. Unfortunately, she was married and had three kids, but that’s life, you know. You can’t control who you fall in love with.

So Madame X ends up finally getting her 28th dress, and this time it’s white. And everyone lives happily ever after, except that jerk of a guy who was always mean to her and deserved an unhappy ending. His death is supremely satisfactory to the entire audience and is applauded.

The end.

Please Note, as no one at The Chaos Factory has ever actually seen 27 Dresses, it may in fact only be the second best movie.


8
Dec 09

Roland Emmerich: Master Of Disaster

hindenburg disasterIn the much maligned genre of disaster film, Roland Emmerich has been the most maligned of all. But Emmerich has wreaked his revenge on all the naysayers with his latest film, 2012. I can safely say it is the most ridiculously preposterous movie of all time. I loved it. I urge everyone to see it for themselves.

In creating 2012, Emmerich’s career has come full circle. After making one of the seminal movies of my youth, that one where he blew up the White House*, Emmerich’s career swiftly dipped into seeming self-parody. Yet 2012 is so extremely ludicrous that it actually succeeds to entertain where his previous films merely served up mild annoyance and the occasional unintentional chuckle. I can say for certain their is absolutely nothing unintentional about his latest outing.

To enjoy 2012 with the proper perspective, it is perhaps necessary to trace the evolution of Emmerich as a director:

independance day posterThe quintessence of the modern disaster movie, Independence Day pioneers the now obligatory destruction of a beloved world landmark. All the better for being married to an alien flick as well. So what if there were a few plot holes? What did it matter when you had a president willing to fly into battle and Will Smith wisecracking his way into saving the planet? 7 on a scale of 10.
godzillaAfter the success of Independence Day, expectations were high for the remake of Godzilla. It would turn out to be one of the most disappointing follow ups of all time, not quite as devastating as what Jackson did with King Kong, but close. Everyone is allowed one major screw up in their career (Superman Returns anyone?), but Emmerich would need to hit his next film out of the park to win his way back into our good graces after this debacle. 4 out of 10
day after tomorrow posterFollowing a partial return to form in The Patriot--really a Mel Gibson production rather than a Roland Emmerich disaster film--next up was The Day After Tomorrow. The world was introduced to a new movie villain, faster than Danny Boyle zombies, more sinister than the The Wicker Man pagans: climate change. The movie was laughable for its twisted science, juvenile plot, poor effects, and Dennis Quaid. An Emmerich movie was no longer an event, but literally, a disaster. 2 out of 10
10000-bc-posterDespite its terrible reviews, The Day After Tomorrow grossed over half a billion dollars. Still the poor reception somehow managed to keep Emmerich out of work for four years. His return, the even more disappointing 10,000 B.C. A mash up of Apocalypto with Erik The Viking, you have a prehistoric man who goes from fighting sabretooth tigers to building pyramids for the Pharaoh. I'm not even making this up. 1 out of 10
2012-movie-posterA more modest filmmaker might have, after being responsible for such a bomb, decided to move in a new direction. The genius of Emmerich yet again shows itself in his latest film, as 2012 offers a form of apology for his previous movies. He is telling the audience, "I'm sorry. I did not go far enough. Let me atone by completely abandoning all pretense of realism and credibility. Let me sacrifice Renoir on a superradiated altar of the Earth's crust, and wash him away with an Everest sized tidal wave." In so doing, Emmerich trumps his closest competitor, Michael Bay, in the race to create the most inanely satisfactory movie of all time. 8 out of 10

*No presidential residences were actually harmed in the making of the film


6
Nov 09

Giant Cabbages From Outer Space

Photo By @thebeautythatstillremains

Photo By @thebeautythatstillremains

There are two surefire signs that Autumn has officially arrived in Beijing.

First of all, you have the two week stretch of November that is invariably the coldest of the year, thanks to the Government’s central heating rules. In America, you might think of central heating as the thermostat control that lets you turn up your heat as high as your electricity bill will allow.

In China, however, central heating is the neighborhood controlled system that allows one boiler to provide warmth to an entire village. In Beijing, November 15th is something of an informal holiday every year, as that is the date when the city’s boilers switch on. But for those first two weeks of the month, you find yourself bundling up to go to the bathroom, and showers gain you entry into the polar bear club.

The second sure fire sign of Autumn in Beijing is the deluge of 白菜 that descends on the city like an alien invasion. Harking back to the 3 vegetable winters of decades past, every old woman in the capital stocks up on the hardy cabbages, buying enough to last a family all the way to spring.

Speaking of alien invasions, I finally watched District 9 this week. Definitely worthy of all the hype. I especially enjoyed the father and son prawns. The strongest characters in the movie.

The only drawback was the documentary style. The feel of it was nice, but I was constantly annoyed because too often the scenes were shot in places and circumstances that never would have allowed for cameras. Inside the alien hideout? Close-ups during a firefight? If you are going to use the faux documentary technique, go all the way. Otherwise, YOU, the filmmaker, have violated our tacit agreement by which I, the viewer, have agreed to willingly suspend my judgment concerning the implausibility of the narrative.

And I hate it when that happens.


3
Oct 09

Up Next: The Phantom Menace On Broadway

Aesop wrote:

A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that belonged to the sheep, whose skin the Wolf was wearing, began to follow the Wolf in the Sheep’s clothing; so, leading the Lamb a little apart, he soon made a meal off her, and for some time he succeeded in deceiving the sheep, and enjoying hearty meals.

Appearances are deceptive.

I was reminded of that story during a recent viewing of Watchmen. Appearances are indeed deceptive.

On the surface, Watchmen was everything fanboys and comic geeks could have hoped for. After the triple disasters of previous Alan Moore related projects (V for Vendetta, From Hell, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), it was widely feared the movie version of Watchmen would bastardize the story. As it turns out however, Zack Snyder goes out of his way to faithfully reproduce the source material. Visually, they are virtually identical. Certainly, parts of the story had to be trimmed, even at three hours, but he still managed to keep nearly all the major story lines, maintain the same narration and pacing, and even exactly match many of the comic’s scene compositions.

Yet, for all that, I was strangely disturbed as I watched. Something just felt wrong.

You remember watching The Phantom Menace for the first time? In pretty much every quantifiable way, it was a Star Wars movie. The opening music. The crawl. The swipes. The sound effects and John Williams score. Yet the further in you got, the more your heart sank.

It was a Star Wars movie, yes, but slowly there was the horrible realization that this movie just was not very good. In fact, the prequels are not really movies at all, but elaborate video games. What else to call them? The pod racing or R2-D2 and C-3PO on the assembly line are not really cinema. George Lucas grafted together some of his old characters and some potential new toy lines onto a two hour X-Box session.

And it is the same feeling I get watching the string of musical biopics that have appeared recently. Movies like Ray and Walk The Line feature fantastic performances and classic music, but they fail as movies. Rather than tell a great story, they get stuck trying to cram in all the important events in a person’s life. Real life does not in general make a great movie. Contrast them with I’m Not There, a biography that uses a person’s life as a starting point and crafts an interesting, groundbreaking movie.

Watchmen, for all its visual glory, has made the same mistake. The first hour of the movie lacks any real tension, because they are too busy using the comic book as a story board. Rather than try to make a trailblazing movie to match the original’s legacy, the filmmakers just regurgitated the graphic novel. That story is meant to be read, it does not work as well as a movie without some serious refashioning.

It does not help that the performances are almost universally atrocious. But even if the casting director had done a better job, it would not have prevented Watchmen from being unmasked as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.


9
Aug 09

In The Sequel, They Have To Rescue Barbie


Though it is possible it could have been even more magnificent with a bit of attention paid to the script and special effects, the new G.I. Joe movie definitely achieved an acceptable level of magnificence. Dennis Quaid’s ham-fisted performance notwithstanding–I found myself googling “Dennis Quaid recent stroke victim” to find out what was wrong with him–the Joe movie far exceeded even my prodigal expectations.

You have Zartan, played by the Mummy. You have Destro. You have the Baroness, and Scarlett and Heavy Duty. Best of all, you have Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, battling it out every time they lay eyes on one another, starting at age 10. Despite all the grumbling from critics (seriously, what were you expecting? The characters are based on a line of Hasbro action figures?) what you really have is a $170 million child’s fantasy translated to the big screen. I mean, isn’t this exactly what we were imagining when we were playing with our G.I. Joe’s as kids.

In fact, the only real disappointment for me was the one part of the movie I expected to be infallible. Cobra Commander, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, should have been the highlight. Instead, from the big reveal on his mask at the end (how could you mess this up?) to his lackluster, under the top acting, the ultimate megalomaniac came off as little more than a petty thug. Dr. Horrible makes a better super villain.

Here’s hoping in the sequel, they ramp up the awesome with Cobra Commander. Or better yet, how about a prequel with nothing but Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow. With a cameo from Shipwreck thrown in.


21
Nov 08

We All Got It Coming


In a recent edition of Fresh Air, David Edelstein reviewed the new Clint Eastwood movie, Changeling. I have not seen the movie, so I will not comment on his negative review. But I do want to respond to his criticism of Eastwood in general, and in particular the dismissal of his Academy Award winning film Unforgiven.

What disgruntled me about Edelstein’s review is that he did not seem to really understand the great depth of a film that went great lengths to eschew action and concentrate on its portrayal of morally ambivalent characters in a society that provides only arbitrary justice.

His chief denunciation of the film stems from the fact that most people have labeled it ‘revisionist.’ In a New York Times review of another Eastwood film, he writes, “After the town’s fanatical and sadistic law-and-order sheriff (Gene Hackman) whips Munny’s friend (Morgan Freeman) to death, the gunfighter returns to wreak a holy vengeance — and this so-called anti-violence western ends with a predictable blood bath. True, it isn’t a rousing climax, and Munny is presented as hellbound for having returned to his killing ways. But the greater challenge for the character would be walking away from retribution — or vainly seeking justice via a higher authority.”

A genre picture that breaks new ground subverting the traditional conventions of the genre should rightly be labeled revisionist. Any number of elements can be cited in Unforgiven which mark it as a groundbreaking western, including what I consider its unprecedented depiction of the prostitute characters. Edelstein himself refers to another break with canon:

The movie has many dense and beautifully shaped scenes, but its most harrowing is the one in which Mr. Eastwood’s Will Munny, a once-notorious gunfighter lured away from farming and parenthood by a large bounty on two cowboys, finally confronts his prey. Munny’s last shot hits the more innocent of the two men in the stomach, after which he must listen to his victim’s cries (”They shot me, boys, they shot me!”) and pleas for water. Munny’s head drops heavily in shame, and he is isolated in the frame: it is the first time that an Eastwood character has murdered a harmless man on screen, and the acknowledgement seems revolutionary.

Indeed, the movie does end in a spectacular shoot out, as Eastwood confronts a saloon full of deputies single-handedly and emerges unscathed. But William Munny’s survival in itself represents a break from traditional action movies. As an audience, we have been conditioned to two types of climaxes in a movie with an outlaw protagonist. Either the hero atones for his past sins and finds redemption through love or some other new found virtue, or the hero dies in the end. Sometimes both.

But in Unforgiven, there is no redemption for Eastwood, nor any of the characters for that matter. Eastwood is not coming out of retirement in order to avenge a slighted woman, but to earn the much needed bounty. In fact, the entire movie revolves around an ambiguously defined moral dilemma, in which Eastwood and his partner are seeking a reward for murdering two cowboys who cut up a prostitute but were allowed to walk free for the price of seven horses. Little Bill, the antagonist, clashes with Eastwood because he does not tolerate gunslingers in his town, and is determined to protect the cowboys from vigilante justice. Who is in the right, and who is in the wrong? One of the beautiful aspects of the movie is that everyone follows somewhere in between, with both flaws and redeeming qualities on full display.

I have deliberated a great deal on why we chose to root for the Eastwood character. What endears him to the audience? He’s old. He’s a murderer of women and children. It might seem that because he has reformed for the love of his wife, we are attracted to his redemption. Except that as soon as he finds out his partner has been murdered, he takes to drinking again and murders anyone who is even tangentially connected to the event, including the saloon owner where the body is put on display.

I have concluded that the one quality every one of the antagonists shares, and which Eastwood definitively abstains from, is pride. Little Bill is exceedingly proud of himself, and pontificates at great length of his achievements to the journalist. He treats the town of Big Whiskey as something of a personal fiefdom. English Bob is smarmy with his British airs, and mocks the republic for assassinating its president, something that could never happen to a monarch. The Scofield Kid brags about his murder count and adorns himself with false bravado to cover his obvious callowness. All three get their comeuppance in different ways.

But Eastwood, an aging pig farmer, a widower with two kids to feed, does not look back on his outlaw days fondly, and finds nothing in his character or his past to brag about. Perhaps the most sophisticated element in this script dealing with multiple themes threaded neatly through a winding narrative is that what is perhaps the central theme to the movie is never actually acknowledged. I do not believe the words pride or arrogance are uttered even once. It is up to the viewers to discover for themselves.

To look at Unforgiven and see a violent movie that preaches against violence is too miss the point and to ignore the complexity of what I consider one of the all time great scripts. The movie is not trying to condemn violence. Instead, it is a portrayal of law, vengeance, and death in a society where no central authority exists. The only authority is violence or the threat of violence. We see different tribes–the deputies, the cowboys, the bounty hunters, the prostitutes–all trying to protect their own and secure justice when one of their members has been harmed.

Anyone who expects justice to be paid out to all those who deserve it has only to listen to William Munny himself. When Little Bill pleads that he does not deserve to be executed like this, Munny responds, “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.” And when the Scolfield Kid regrets his first actual shooting, lamenting that his victim had no idea it was coming while he was sitting in the outhouse, Eastwood concludes “We all got it coming, kid.”

Death comes when it will, not when it is deserved, and eventually it will come for everyone. The irony is that the one major character that death has eluded so far is the character that seemingly appreciates it least.


8
Nov 08

Pussy Galore


I will forgive the earlier Bond movies their sexism. The first movies were before my time and from a different era. The Pierce Brosnan entries into the franchise verged on the cartoon, and are hard to take seriously. The utter ridiculousness of Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough has the same comedic pedigree as the best Saved By The Bell episodes.

But the latest Bond incarnation, played by Daniel Craig, models itself after the new Batman and Jason Bourne franchises. They are grittier, more realistic action movies, that value story and character as much as glitz and gadgetry. And in some ways, the new version succeeds in that vein. It has done away with Q. Fight scenes look like they were directed by Paul Greengrass. This is a more human Bond, and the movies focus on his psyche and motivations, and how the mental and physical hardships take their toll.

So it is inexcusable the way they treat the female characters in this movie. We are in the 21st century, not the 1960′s anymore. I have nothing against populating a genre film like this with beautiful actresses. But at least make an attempt to give them some kind of actual character. I have no idea what the main female protagonist’s name was, because her role in the film was nothing more than to give Bond a beautiful sidekick to share in the action. Was she a good actor? I have no idea, because the only acting she had to do was deliver one liners, be frightened of a raging fire, and get angry when the would be dictator attempts to rape her.

Her function in the plot is to want revenge against the would be dictator, while Bond is after the would be oil magnate that is helping the would be dictator to carry out a coup. Nothing we have not seen in countless other Bond films. Why does she want revenge? If you guessed it was because the would be dictator murdered her father in cold blood while she was a child (by burning down their house of course, thus her fear of fire) then you have seen any one of the thousands of other movies that have recycled the exact same plot device.

So her character development is thin, bordering on non-existent. No different then any other Bond movie. At least the wonderful Judi Dench is there, stealing the movie every time she turns up on screen. Of course the weight of her performance, and the nuanced way it builds on her previous appearances in the franchise and adds tremendous depth to a role that really has only a marginal function in the story only draws more attention to the lack of any development in any of the other female characters. But none of this would be unexpected in a movie of this sort.

The real atrocity here, the unpardonable sin committed by this movie, is the climactic showdown between the female protagonist and the would be dictator. It is a brutal scene of sexualized Hollywood violence that happens way too often in movies. The violence is as demoralizing as it is unnecessary. This cardboard cut out of a human being that has done little more in the movie than to provide eye candy for the past hour and a half now must go through the ritualized attempted rape that continually thrusts itself into mainstream Hollywood movies that are generally marketed to young adults around the world. What does that say about the society we live in?

After a few days to reflect on the movie, I realized it was quite poor. Is this really the best they can do?


Optimized by SEO Ultimate