Posts Tagged: Montage

Film/Video — No Comments
7
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: More Of The Same

Another battle, another montage. More scenes of New Zealand. More slow motion tears (though only one close up).

And to think, only two and half more hours of this.

Minutes Watched: 3.1:35.33

Number of Montages: 17

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 55

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
5
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: We Are Gonna Need A Montage

The city of Minis Tirith looks awesome. So did the montage of horseback riding across New Zealand.

Minutes Watched: 3.0:44.18

Number of Montages: 14

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 53

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — 1 Comment
5
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: The Pros And Cons Of Having Peter Jackson Write The Screenplay To Your Life

Pro: Never forget what’s important, because he keeps reminding you with flashbacks and clunky dialogue.

Con: Never have a strong sense of self. Your moods will always be at the mercy of the narrative.

Pro: You will always know when something important is happening, because you will be moving in slow motion and crying.

Con: Everybody around you is a total dick, even your friends.

Pro: If you ever need a horse, one will be waiting for you.

Con: Your life will never seem to end.

Pro: The boring parts will be turned into montages.

Con: Lots of boring parts equals lots of montages.

Pro: People love you for no apparent reason.

Con: Liv Tyler.

Minutes Watched: 3.0:37.09

Number of Montages: 13

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 50

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
2
Feb 12

Why LOTR Sucks: A Slow Motion Montage Of Somebody Crying

Or is it a close up of a montage in slow motion? I can’t tell anymore. I think I’m starting to go a little loopy.

All I can say for sure is that we just watched Aragorn asleep on a horse while the horse was going on a tour of New Zealand. Then Aragorn woke up in time to spot an army of Orcs. Then the horse went touring again and Aragorn fell back asleep. I guess he’s not that into New Zealand scenery. Then he woke up and got a hug from a crying dwarf.

If I had a nickel for every time that last sentence has happened to me, I would be a rich man.

Minutes Watched: 2.2:30.25

Number of Montages: 11

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 40

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
27
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Peter Jackson’s New Zealand

The diversity of the New Zealand landscape has been a draw for filmmakers and travelers from around the world. Many activities and attractions offer the chance to see the film locations for yourself, as well as the many other experiences New Zealand is known for.

New Zealand’s mix of extraordinary geography, sense of adventure, Māori culture, and cosmopolitan cities all offer a hugely diverse range of unique experiences. New Zealand makes it easy for you to actively experience the breathtaking landscape in all its purity.

Be swept off your feet by chains of stunning alps, volcanoes, lakes, fiords, native forest and perfect beaches. From its breathtaking mountains and fascinating geothermal activity, to its award winning vineyards and cuisine, you’ll have plenty of unforgettable activities on your next vacation. The best way to explore the country is by walking from one place to the next in a serious of intercut scenes that actually take the place of film narrative. Riding on horseback is acceptable too. Or perhaps you would enjoy some canoe camping.

Come to New Zealand and be a part of the montage for yourself.

Minutes Watched: 2.0:23.04

Number of Montages: 9

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 29

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
27
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: True Evil

I was watching another long montage, this one with a voice over by Saruman, and I realized the true nature of evil. Evil is very dirty. Evil also likes to burn trees.

By the way, this montage was again completely unnecessary. We already know that Saruman and Sauron are allied. We could have just had a scene where the orcs attack a village of Rohan and that would be enough to introduce the impending war.

Minutes Watched: 2.0:23.04

Number of Montages: 8

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 29

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
27
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Gollum

I like Gollum. I mean I hate him, but I like how Peter Jackson portrays him on screen. He’s cowardly and vicious and craven and completely possessed by his desire for the ring. The computer generation is a bit dated, close to a decade after the fact, but at the time it was considered top notch (Especially when compared to some other visual effects from the movie, that weren’t so well done. Notice, every time a group of humans and hobbits are walking together, especially in the distance.)

We’re twelve minutes into the movie, and haven’t seen a single montage. It must be some kind of miracle.

Minutes Watched: 2.0:12.01

Number of Montages: 7

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 29

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
27
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: Added Bonus Montage

These two montages were so close together you could almost count them as one. We have more canoe camping, but this time it’s intercut with a bunch of orcs running in a forest. Legolas has really good ears, because he hears them running in the forest, presumably some kilometers away at the least.

Minutes Watched: 2:54.29

Number of Montages: 7

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 21

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
27
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: I Hate Galadriel

She’s not young, like an immortal elf should be, so bad casting. Her voice is creepy. The way she only talks to people inside their head is creepy. Everything about her is creepy. The scene adds nothing to the story, and does a lot to detract. It makes more sense to cut her out all together, unless you have the time to develop her character and make this scene mean something in the grand scheme of things.

Basically we get stuck with 15 minutes of an aging cougar with a raspy voice who has clearly has a thing for Frodo but doesn’t know how to go about seducing him, which makes for a horribly awkward flirtation.

Peter Jackson did manage to film the entire conversation between Frodo and Galadriel as close-ups, some of them in slow motion. Unfortunately, there was no actual crying. And we end the scene in Lothlórien with a montage as they receive their gifts and do some canoe camping in beautiful New Zealand.

Minutes Watched: 2:53.37

Number of Montages: 6

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 21

Start at the beginning

Film/Video — No Comments
26
Jan 12

Why LOTR Sucks: A Note About Pacing

We’re now some two and half hours into the movie, so let’s take a moment to look at the overall structure.

So far, we’ve had two big action scenes, the chase scene with the Black Riders and the Mines of Moria. We’ll have one more big action scene at the end. So that’s three large-scale, action-packed episodes. That’s about right if your movie is an hour and forty-five minutes. This movie is over three hours long though.

Each of the action scenes so far can actually be subdivided. With the Black Riders, you actually have four parts. The initial encounter and the escape across the ferry. The near miss at Bree. The fight on top of the mountain. And the final escape across the river. Most of this action was poorly planned out, repetitive (black riders on black horses galloping here and galloping there), hackneyed, and lacking in tension. Over all, the first big action sequence was a big failure. Prior to that you had a long, slow introduction that included a completely unnecessary seven minute opening montage. Afterwards, you had the council of Elrond that repeated much of the information from the opening scene. You also had some nice montages of New Zealand scenery.

Then we finally get to Moria, which for the most part is awesome. It can also be sub-divided, this time into three parts. Their entrance, the fight against the cave troll, and their escape. All together, this part lasts about 30 minutes.

So far, we’ve had an introduction, a long drawn out encounter with the black riders that totally sucked and was boring, a boring council meeting, some boring travel, 30 minutes of kick ass action, and now we return to some boring conversation with some ugly elves.

This movie is horribly paced. I blame Peter Jackson.

BTW, we had two more close-ups of Boromir crying.

Minutes Watched: 2:37.27

Number of Montages: 5

Number of slow motion close-ups of people crying: 21

Start at the beginning

← Older Entries

Optimized by SEO Ultimate