Posts Tagged: Dan Brown

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22
Jun 11

Ways To Spoil Game Of Thrones

These days, it seems that if you want your blog to be taken seriously, you have to start offering spoilers. In that spirit, I thought it was time The Chaos Factory got in on the action. Having just finished watching season one of Game Of Thrones, here are some hot spoilers that will be sure to ruin your enjoyment of the series.

First of all, if you’re watching Game Of Thrones, do not start thinking about a Dan Brown movie. If you start comparing GOT to TDC, you’ll see similarities everywhere: in the melodramatic plot, in the stylized characters that serve only to further the plot along, in the blatant misogyny. And that’s not to mention the constant reliance on cheap cliff-hangers to drive suspense. Whatever you do, while you’re watching Game Of Thrones, do not think about Dan Brown.*

Next, you can’t make any comparisons between Lord Stark and Boromir. Don’t do it. It will only lead to heartbreak.

Finally, the best way to spoil Game Of Thrones is to point out that watching midgets have sex is a terrible way to spend your time. Seriously. What is wrong with you? Do something productive like cure cancer or solve a Rubik’s cube.

So there you go. Enjoy having Game Of Thrones spoiled for you, and please tell everyone you know about the site. We’ll be spoiling plenty more in the days to come.**

Please Note: This blog has nothing against midgets having sex in the privacy of their tiny little homes.

*This spoiler works equally well with the novels.

**Spoiler alert

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21
Dec 09

The Aftermath

Perry Bible Fellowship - Rhino BrainIt’s time to reflect back on the huge success that was my first live blogging experiment. I thought it would take me at least 24 hours to complete everything. But thanks to author Maureen Johnson and the great American tradition of outsourcing, I was able to finish before 1 am.

But now I’m a bit depressed, and it’s not a hangover from reading a DB novel. Look at my tags. People are going to come to this site, and see Dan Brown and The Lost Symbol, and think I am some kind of hack. Unacceptable.

Therefore, Expect a lot more posts about webcomics. Have you heard of the Perry Bible Fellowship? It may sound stuffy and boring, but its not. It’s wholesome comic fun. Read this one about a bee. Check back regularly. It currently has no update schedule.

That is all.

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20
Dec 09

I Feel Like Christopher Colombus. Damn You Leif Erikson!

dan_brown_lost_symbol Thanks to my blogprietor, Mr. Clark Randt, I have been informed that I am not the first person to live blog The Lost Symbol. I am devastated, naturally. But, in many ways, I am also relieved.

Maureen Johnson’s version of The Lost Symbol Reader’s Guide is not only more entertaining than the book itself, but more entertaining than the Great Dan Brown Experiment. I urge all of you to continue reading hers.

I reached the end of my experiment earlier than I expected, but I still walk away having gained quite a lot. I have a better appreciation of our nation’s capitol. If I am ever faced with needing to decipher a secret masonic message, I will be able to do so in a jiffy. I have the confidence to wear make up in public even though I am a man. After The Lost Symbol, people will not dare make fun of me for fear that I am a tattooed zealot, and, should they cross me, I may drown them next to a giant squid in a vat of ethanol.

And I have learned that there is no need to actually write a blog. I can just think up ideas, do a google search, and link to someone who wrote about the same thing.

Come back next week, when I live blog my way through my nephew’s Bar Mitzva*.

Thank you to Jeff Orcutt, who loaned me his copy of The Lost Symbol. Sorry about the drool.

*I do not actually have a Jewish nephew. If anyone knows of a Bar Mitzva I can crash next week, please let me know.

Pages read: 202
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19
Dec 09

Puzzles Within Puzzles

dan_brown_lost_symbolChapter 50, and we finally get to our first real puzzle. An interesting cypher. I wonder if the Masons really used it.

I am reminded of that movie Windtalkers, by John Woo. It was about the Navajo Codebreakers from World War II. It should have been a better movie than it was.

Have you seen the movie Red Cliff? The latest John Woo movie? It is the closest I have ever come to walking out of a movie. Do not see it. It’s horrible.

I’m losing interest in The Lost Symbol. A truly depressing turn of events. I thought my vitriol would be whipped into a fury by now at the cliched writing and clunky plotting.

You remember how everyone was anticipating Snakes On A Plane, like it would be the greatest B movie ever, and it turned out to be a real disappointment?

Pages read: 201
Pages To Go: 308
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19
Dec 09

I Can Also Do Card Tricks

dan_brown_lost_symbol I now envision a scene in which she has to hide in the black abyss of pod number 5 before making her escape.

Bingo.

Pages read: 180
Pages To Go: 329
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19
Dec 09

Into The Abyss

dan_brown_lost_symbolPage 178, and the first bit of real tension. When I read The Da Vinci Code, I may have hated it, but it was compelling. I couldn’t put it down. Reading The Lost Symbol has, to this point, been nothing more than a horse chasing after a carrot.*

Robert Langdon has just now thought to call Katherine. Convenient, because she is just about to be murdered. I now envision a scene in which she has to hide in the black abyss of pod number 5 before making her escape.

How are they ever going to film this?

Pages read: 178
Pages To Go: 331

*I am the horse in this anology, not the carrot.

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19
Dec 09

Is She Guilty?

dan_brown_lost_symbolSo the architect has just come barging into room SBB 13, rescuing Robert Langdon. Of course, he could be a co-conspirator.

With regards to Director Ito, there are two possibilities. It seems rather obvious that she is part of the conspiracy. Why else would she have mysteriously shown up right after the severed hand appeared, already knowing about Mal’akh’s plot. Of course, this could just be a diversion, and we are supposed to think she is guilty. It in fact seems far too obvious to be true.

Which leads to possibility number two. She is not part of the conspiracy. Which means that the Director of the CIA’s ultra elite Office of Security is a complete imbecile.

Right now I’m leaning towards both being true.

Pages read: 168
Pages To Go: 341
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19
Dec 09

In Which The Novel Suddenly Turns Into A Lovecraft Story

dan_brown_lost_symbolFinally, a bit of action. Mal’akh just murdered Trish by drowning her in a giant vat of ethanol. The vat also contains a preserved giant squid.

It was not as exciting as it sounds.

Pages read: 156
Pages To Go: 353
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19
Dec 09

Waiting For Something To Happen

dan_brown_lost_symbolI’m 34 chapters in, and nothing much has happened. The Da Vinci Code started out much more exhilaratingly, with Langdon immediately being faced with the puzzle in the Louvre. As I recall, in Angels And Demons, we knew pretty early on that he needed to hurry, or the Vatican would be destroyed by a bomb.

But here we are almost 150 pages in, and there has been one, very simple puzzle, lots of random information about Washington D.C. iconography, a blatant attempt to make Director Ito seem a part of the conspiracy, and very little else. The tension all rests upon the fact that Robert Langdon has the secret package in his bag, and that Katherine doesn’t realize the doctor is an imposter, and planning to murder her.

Worst of all, the book is not as spectacularly bad as I was hoping for. It’s just dull. And I have four hundred pages to go. Curses!

Pages read: 144
Pages To Go: 365
Writing — No Comments
19
Dec 09

The Last Football Game He Watched Was In 1983, When The Redskins Were Actually Good

dan_brown_lost_symbolAs the limo pulled through, the guard returned to his TV, hoping for a replay. The Redskins player had just scored. Of course there’s going to be a replay. They are going to reshow it a half dozen times. Shouldn’t it read, waiting for a replay?

Dan Brown obviously does not follow too many sports.

Pages read: 123
Pages To Go: 386
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