{"id":1143,"date":"2011-01-05T21:01:11","date_gmt":"2011-01-05T13:01:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/?p=1143"},"modified":"2013-11-25T13:18:33","modified_gmt":"2013-11-25T05:18:33","slug":"jesus-loves-abortions-means-fetus-heaven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/2011\/01\/jesus-loves-abortions-means-fetus-heaven\/","title":{"rendered":"Jesus Loves Abortions Because It Means One More Fetus In Heaven"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I’m really confused about religion. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Never did really.<\/p>\n

What’s the first thing they teach you? The Ten Commandments. What’s rule number four? Don’t work on a Sunday. And you look around, and everyone is fucking working on Sunday. I’m 5 years old, and I know that’s not right. I mean, Jesus Christ people. God told you, “Hey, just do these ten fucking things.” And it’s not like they’re that hard. Half of them are just don’t have any other gods<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It’s like, if you believe in God, life’s gotta be the easiest thing in the world. Do this, and you end up with eternal salvation. Forever. Not just a lifetime, or a few lifetimes, or the lifetime of the universe. For Fucking Ever. <\/p>\n

And if you don’t do it, then you end up in Hell. And there’s like nothing worse than Hell. Whatever you’re imagining Hell to be like, it’s like ten billion times worse than that.<\/p>\n

I mean, seriously, you should be doing everything you fucking can to do right by Him. This isn’t fucking Santa Claus. You end up with some coal in you’re stocking, there’s always next year. This is your one and only soul we’re talking about, and you only have one chance to get it right. <\/p>\n

And if you’re dangling eternal salvation in front of my nose, you better believe I’m going to do everything I can to get there. I mean, I’d live my life straight for a bag of gummy worms at the end. If you’re offering me a forever of absolute and total bliss, than count me in, whatever it takes.<\/p>\n

So if I were a Christian, this is how it would be:<\/p>\n

I’d immediately give up all my money to the poor. I’d do everything I possibly could to convince everyone I know to do the same thing. I certainly wouldn’t vote Republican, or for anyone that would support any war, ever. I would pray for Tucker Carlson’s soul<\/a>. I would praise God every time there was an abortion, because another fetus just went to Heaven.*<\/p>\n

I mean, seriously, what am I missing?<\/p>\n

Anyway, if you call yourself a Christian, and you aren’t dirt poor and pro-abortion, I don’t want to talk to you. You’re a fucking hypocrite.<\/p>\n

Please Note, this blog was written by someone who has read the Bible cover to cover four times. I know what I’m talking about.<\/em><\/p>\n

*I would feel sorry for the mother and doctor, because they had committed a sin, and I would pray for their soul, but I wouldn’t sweat it too much because I know God will forgive them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m really confused about religion. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Never did really. What’s the first thing they teach you? The Ten Commandments. What’s rule number four? Don’t work on a Sunday. And you look around, and everyone is fucking working on Sunday. I’m 5 years old, and I know that’s not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1144,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[1334,208,1337,1339,339,1342,1338,1069,1115,1077,1315,1343,1341,1027,1336,1335,1340],"class_list":["post-1143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-writing","tag-abortion","tag-christianity","tag-christians","tag-eternal-salvation","tag-god","tag-gummy-worms","tag-heaven","tag-hell","tag-jesus-christ","tag-religion","tag-republicans","tag-sabbath","tag-sunday-school","tag-the-bible","tag-the-ten-commandments","tag-tucker-carlson","tag-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1143"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2880,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1143\/revisions\/2880"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/entropy2.com\/chaosfactory\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}