Posts Tagged ‘English’

27
Apr

The Bully Business Professor

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

The asshat in an ascot quoted Foucault. He made faculty senate holy hell. I think he was in English, maybe History; I knew he wasn’t in athletics!

Anyway, motherfucker just loved the drone of his self-important voice. How about the dulcet tone of a head slap?

I snapped and pummeled him. An Engineering professor high-fived me before public safety came.

At my hearing, I learned he was old money, Ivy League—his mom and dad were philanthropists. He smirked when I got suspended.

Afterwards, I gave him a super wedgy and nasty pink belly.

That’s my story.

Paper or Plastic?

From Guest Contributor JD Clapp

2
Jan

The Miqui Smart Home Device

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

When Blake brought Miqui home that first evening, he spent hours translating the instructions into a form of English he could understand. Miqui had evolved a language much more sophisticated than his own outdated vernacular.

By the next Tuesday, Miqui was finally in working order. It immediately diagnosed him with cancer. His was a milder variety. Six months to live.

Miqui is Blake’s only company these days, other than the nurses. He remembers when fish still weren’t able to talk. The fish said it was worthwhile he could still recall the good old days. Nostalgia is a uniquely human trait.

10
Dec

The Roundabout

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

We are on a holiday in Greece. Jim is at the wheel and I am navigating our return to Athens from Marathon. The roads are frantic and the drivers insane. We did not arrange for a GPS in the rental car, which was a mistake.

Suddenly we find ourselves at a roundabout. Jim asks tersely, “Which exit do I take?”

“Slow down so I can read the signs,” I bark back. “Is that upside-down Greek “y” an “L” in English?”

The meaning of the expression “It’s all Greek to me” makes sense now.

Six circumnavigations later, we’re on our way.

From Guest Contributor Janice Siderius

22
Oct

Hurt

by thegooddoctor in Uncategorized

“We’re joined today by the great Cuban émigré slugger Robinson Falco Villegas, Jr.”

“Hola.”

“Robby, rather than talk about your recent injury, why don’t you tell us why you and your father were named after Jackie Robinson?”

“I wasn’t named after him. I was named after the great irascible poet, Robinson Jeffers. I learned English so I could read his poems.”

“I didn’t know that. Can you quote your favorite lines?”

“I’d prefer to paraphrase.”

“If it makes you more comfortable, go right ahead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, go for it.”

“Were it not for penalties, you’d be dead now.”

From Guest Contributor Clyde Liffey

14
Aug

Let’s Stay Focused On The Good News

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

HUBRIS CONTEST:

Gerald raced home, test in hand, too excited to look both ways as he crossed intersections. There was never any traffic anyway, and this news was too good to wait. He only paused at one point to pick up the books that had scattered on the sidewalk behind him because he’d forgotten to zip closed his backpack.

He sprinted up his driveway and burst through the front door.

“I am the GOAT!!!” He threw the paper towards his mother, who looked up in bewilderment.

“A B+ on your English exam. I’m proud of you. Now what about your math quiz?”

From Guest Contributor Breanne Nyhoff

12
Aug

Equals

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

“Hurry up with those bricks!” the manager screamed.

The workers glared at him but moved faster, wheeling bricks to the concrete slab.

Looking at his watch, the manager scowled. “This building isn’t going to make itself. If you work harder, maybe one day you’ll be my equal.”

The group of men laughed and shook their heads. They spoke in their native tongue, their words meaningless to the manager.

“What are you saying? Speak English!”

They looked at him with contempt, and a man stepped forward before answering, “Learn our language and find out, then maybe someday you’ll be our equal.”

From Guest Contributor Caitlyn Palmer

15
Apr

Spy Culture

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

Just before dawn, the train barreled across the border. My carryall bag on the overhead rack contained an entire set of ant-dreams preserved in amber. Spies lurked everywhere, but, after the train pulled in, I evaded them by frequently changing my facial expressions. Later that day, I traveled by sampan and pedicab to meet my contact, an experienced agent posing as an English nanny. We met in a neighborhood playground beside a tree whose round fruit the children pretended were bombs. At one point I forgot the word “cremated” and had to ask her, “What’s it called – incinerating the body?”

From Guest Contributor Howie Good

Howie is the author of The Titanic Sails at Dawn (Alien Buddha Press, 2019).

20
Nov

The War Of Walls 2

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

One Hundred years in the future a time machine is built to enlist war troops. After the resistance, America was angry as the resistance killed. The Americans hijacked a plane, so the English grabbed an attack plane. The American General said, ‘We can’t shoot it down!’ His Major had an idea.

The Major said, ‘Go above the plane and drop soldiers on it!’ The General said to the Major, ‘You are right.’ As the hijacked plane flew he pushed the Major onto the attack plane. The Major’s team took out all of the enemy and both war planes landed safely.

From Guest Contributor Bayley Kelly

11
Nov

The War Of Walls

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

One hundred years in the future a time machine is built. Scientists send the machine back to get Native Americans, cowboys and dragons.

The English side with the Native Americans and the Americans with the cowboys. The English build a wall. Using jeeps, tanks, and planes they fight for six years. The cowboys break the wall, but lose the war.

After the war a resistance forms and is sent to New York to disable the tanks controlling the security building which houses the president. Some get away, some are killed.

The President’s last personal, best fighter is promoted to General.

From Guest Contributor Bayley Kelly

26
Apr

The Appointment

by thegooddoctor in 100 Words

“But everything looks so tired and worn here.”

“You were the one who wanted to come to Paris to die.”

“Doesn’t everybody?”

I took her hand and pointed. “There it is. That’s the café.”

We pushed through the crowd at the door and found a table for two.

“Everyone here looks so old,” she said.

“Except for that beautiful girl at the bar.”

“Madame et monsieur. Vous desirez?”

“Do you speak English?”

“Yes.”

“Who is the beautiful girl at the bar?”

“That is Death.”

“But I thought Death was…”

“Monsieur, the older one gets the more beautiful Death becomes.”

From Guest Contributor Reynold Junker